Christina, Author at A Mommy Story

Feb 21, 2012

Change of Plans

February 21, 2012 By Christina

The last seven days have been a mountain of stress for me. Just when everything was swimming along nicely in my life, it was announced that my shift is being eliminated at work in two weeks. I’m unsure yet as to what this will mean for my employment overall, but you can imagine how news like this can affect you emotionally. Especially when you just had new living room furniture delivered to your house the weekend before, with a large credit card bill coming due.

The first day I was in shock. When I was given the news that morning, I couldn’t sleep. (I work nights, in case you’re new here.) Once I did get a few hours of troubled sleep, I woke up and couldn’t even face the idea of dinner with my family. You KNOW I’m upset if I can’t eat.

I barely ate the next few days as well. The reality slowly sunk in, and while the shock has worn off, the uncertainty at the moment is still very present. It will likely be a few more days before I’ll know the future of my current job situation.

Suddenly the five stages of grief makes sense to me. I went through denial and anger already, and while bargaining doesn’t really make sense in this situation, I know depression is just around the corner. Here’s where I get worried, because depression rarely shows up at my door without a bag of powdered donuts, a pint of ice cream and an extra large spoon. (And as an adult depression also usually brings a box o’ wine along as well, making sure to get the most alcohol for the value. Depression is thrifty like that.)

At this time, I’m thankful that Aaron has a job that he loves. I’m also thankful that his employer loves him as well. It wasn’t that long ago that Aaron was unemployed while I served as the breadwinner. I still make a little more, but Aaron’s job provides our health insurance and he has paid time off while I don’t. No matter what happens with my job, we can meet our essential bills and will still have health insurance.

It’s still unsettling. Any illusion of security that I thought I had was pulled out from under me. We had a lot planned for this year, and now all of it is in question. It hurts. My weekend was spent playing endless games of what if? as we tried to come to terms with this upcoming change and discuss what might happen next and how we’ll deal with it.

Before any of this happened, of course, I had planned to attend Blissdom later this week. I’m still going, and I honestly can’t wait to escape from this bad dream for a few days and immerse myself in blogging.

Stepping away from it all may help me clear my head and reach that final stage of grief: acceptance, of whatever the outcome might be.

Filed Under: Blissdom, daily life, me me me, the J-O-B

Feb 21, 2012

I Will Not Stress Eat

February 21, 2012 By Christina

The last seven days have been a mountain of stress for me. Just when everything was swimming along in my life, it was announced that my shift is being eliminated at work. I’m unsure yet as to what this will mean for my employment overall, but you can imagine how news like this can affect you emotionally. Especially when you just had new living room furniture delivered to your house the weekend before, with a large credit card bill coming due.

Suddenly the five stages of grief makes sense to me. I went through denial and anger already, and while bargaining doesn’t really make sense in this situation, I know depression is just around the corner. Here’s where I get worried, because depression rarely shows up at my door without a bag of powdered donuts, a pint of ice cream and an extra large spoon. (And as an adult depression also generally brings a box o’ wine along as well, making sure to get the most alcohol for the value. Depression is thrifty like that.)

Before this news hit last week, I was celebrating a new milestone. I finally broke through the 166 pound curse and had officially made it to 165. Since then I’ve dipped down to 164 and even saw 163.8 on Saturday morning. (But won’t officially count it since I know it was partially due to lack of eating while I lived in my head for a few days.) Breaking that plateau was such an accomplishment for me and gave me hope that by the end of my Slim-Fast challenge I’ll reach that goal I set of 158.

So I now find myself scared that all of this uncertainty will destroy the progress I’ve made and send me to the bottom of a fried-dough-and-sugar binge. No matter how much I’m told this job situation had nothing to do with our performance, I still feel like a failure. (Not helped by the news that most of the other two shifts were made company employees while I’ll remain a contractor if I still have a position.) The negative emotion cycle feeds into itself, with any slip on my part interpreted by my brain as more proof of my inability to succeed at anything, which then leads to more self-destruction.

This week’s challenge for myself is to resist the negative self-talk in my head and not give in to stress eating. No matter the outcome of this situation, I can’t let it affect all that I’ve worked for in my personal goals. I’m trying so hard to love myself and reshape myself into a model of good health, and I’m already 80 pounds from where I started.

Failing myself because of the business decisions of men in expensive suits sitting in fancy offices far removed from what I do would be silly. However, that extra large piece of chocolate cake looks like the perfect medication to soothe your soul when your feelings are hurt and depression is holding a chair for you and offering you a fork.

I can be stronger than this situation.

Filed Under: food Tagged With: distractions, mountains to conquer

Feb 15, 2012

Twuu Wuv

February 15, 2012 By Christina

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Or as we preferred to call it in our house: Tuesday.

The day started with me getting home from work to give Aaron a Valentine’s Day card that he was already aware of because someone forgot to hide it when putting away the groceries and accidentally left it in plain sight this weekend. But unlike when he first saw it, I had signed my name. So, you know, it was still new.

Aaron then gave me a card and a box of chocolates, despite an agreement I thought we had made to not buy anything for each other. Apparently he had said I didn’t have to buy him anything, not that he wasn’t going to get me a gift. He should be coaching politicians on doublespeak, because he totally got that one past me.

Those actions were all accomplished from 8:00am until 8:05am. And that was pretty much our Valentine’s Day.

What about the rest of the day? Oh, that was pretty uneventful. He left for work, I went to bed. I got up early to go to a work meeting in the late afternoon and found Aaron and Mira in the living room. (He had to get the sick child from school.) Then I went to my work meeting, came home, we ate a quick dinner, put the kids to bed, watched a little TV, and then I fell asleep on the couch until it was time for me to get ready for work again.

It’s true, we’re romantics.

All joking aside, Valentine’s Day isn’t a big deal for us anymore. When we were dating we took it seriously, but with our wedding anniversary less than a month away from the national holiday for hearts and expensive jewelry, we’d rather save most of the romantic (and pricey) gestures for our anniversary – a date that actually has a significant meaning to us.

(And don’t get me started on all of the cute Valentine’s Day gifts and crafts I saw on Pinterest for moms with way more time than me to make for their kids. I do not feel obligated to whip up a special day for my kids, or create homemade Valentine’s cards for their classmates. Generic Care Bears valentines worked for me, so Tinkerbell valentines will work for them.)

I hope everyone had a fantastic Valentine’s Day and got to celebrate it as much as they wanted it to be celebrated. For me, I got a little surprise chocolate in my day and a reminder that my anniversary is less than a month away!

Filed Under: Aaron, daily life, domestic zero, holidays

Feb 9, 2012

Slim-Fast Women of Wow Update (& Giveaway!)

February 9, 2012 By Christina

Alternate title – 166: So We Meet Again

I’ve been using the Slim-Fast shakes and bars for about three weeks now, so I thought it was time for an update. As you might guess from above, my weight is currently at 166 lbs, which just happens to be the lowest weight I’ve ever been as an adult. I hit this same number late last year, but never managed to get beneath it.

I started the year at 170 (after my holiday hibernation), so four pounds lost in a month isn’t shabby at all! But 166 is a tough number. I was actually at 166 a week ago, then jumped up to 168 out of the blue, and now I’m at 166 again after days of being diligent about my calorie intake.

I’m wishing on a star that this might be the week to officially get past this number on the scale, but I also know that my body seems to have some kind of threshold at 166. Apparently no one gave my body the message that insurance companies and doctors don’t consider me at a healthy weight until I weigh 158.

I have to admit that the past few weeks have been very easy when it comes to food. I have a Slim-Fast shake in the morning before I go to bed (I work night shift, remember), I eat a Slim-Fast snack bar or piece of fruit when I wake up, then I eat a normal dinner with my family. When I go to work, I either eat a low-cal frozen meal or Slim-Fast shake for my “lunch” and have one or two snacks of about 100 calories each. Overall, my daily calorie intake is usually between 1400-1600, which I keep track of by using the Lose It app on my iPhone.

On weekends, we tend to eat out more, but even eating out isn’t a trap for me – I keep to small portions and take the time to enjoy every bite. I’ve found my stomach is smaller now, and so it doesn’t take as much food for me to feel full. And surprisingly, the shakes really do help me feel full despite being liquid calories. (The vanilla one tastes like melted vanilla ice cream – yum!)

With my food intake under control, I have to turn my attention back to exercise now. I’m averaging about one workout a week at this point. If I want to get this weight off, I know I’ll need to move more. I’ve got eight more pounds to go until my goal, and I’m determined to get there.

Giveaway!

Not only has Slim-Fast given me the tools to help me reach my goals, but they want to help you have your moment of wow, too! I’ve got one $50 American Express gift card to give to one lucky reader – use it towards new workout gear, an outfit to celebrate a milestone, or whatever you’d like!

To enter: leave a comment below telling me your favorite type of exercise. What type of exercise gets you motivated and keeps you coming back for more? Be sure to leave your email address so I can contact you if you’re the winner, too.

For additional entries (1 per method – leave a separate comment for each):

– Follow me on Twitter and leave a separate comment with your Twitter username.
– Like Slim-Fast on Facebook
– Leave a comment on one of my Women of Wow posts on the Slim-Fast Facebook page (leave a comment here with your FB name)
– Write on the Slim-Fast Facebook Wall that you entered to win a $50 AMEX Gift Card at Losing My Hind with a link back to this post.

Entries will be accepted until Friday, February 17 at 11:59pm EST. One entry per method, for up to five entries total, US residents only. After that date, one winner will be selected at random to receive the $50 AMEX gift card. Winner will be contacted by email and will have 48 hours to respond or an alternate winner will be selected.

Also, visit these other Slim-Fast Women of WOW for additional chances to win!

Being Alison
Shop With Me Mama
Hollie’s Weight Loss Blog
Blessings Abound Mommy
Yellow Tennessee

Good luck!

Full disclosure: This post was created in connection with my appointment as an Ambassador in the Slim-Fast Women of WOW! Program. Visit www.facebook.com/slimfast to join the conversation.

Filed Under: Sponsored-AF, weigh-in Tagged With: Women of WOW

Feb 9, 2012

Adventures in Social Skills

February 9, 2012 By Christina

Yesterday at school, as reported to me by Cordy’s teacher:

Teacher: Cordy, what snacks do they have in Room 14?

(Note: Room 14 is the special needs class Cordy visits at the end of the day.)

Cordy: It’s a secret. If you want a snack, then you need to go home and cook.

Thank goodness her teacher has a sense of humor and found it funny. Although I’m not entirely certain Cordy meant it to be funny. If that’s the case, then I’m REALLY glad her teacher has a sense of humor.
Every social interaction is a learning opportunity, right?

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, school