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Feb 19, 2013

Weekends Aren’t As Much Fun As They Used To Be

February 19, 2013 By

I remember loving three-day weekends when I was younger. As a kid, it felt like a nearly endless time of playing, with no schedules to keep, staying up late, and plenty of time to watch cartoons.

Even once I was in the working world, a three-day weekend meant an extra long weekend of fun, relaxation and sleep. Sometimes we’d go on a trip somewhere, but most of the time it was just extra time to be lazy, hang out with friends, and have a TV-watching marathon.

Or take a long afternoon nap, like this bear at the zoo.

I occasionally miss those days.

Now weekends in general are “chore and errand catch-up days” and a three-day weekend is a challenge to get as much accomplished as possible while also fending off children who may say they like weekends, but in reality prefer the structure and routine of the weekdays. I can only be their cruise director for so long before I’m out of ideas. Sadly, “let’s fold and put away the towels” isn’t a game they enjoy all that much.

The past three days involved little extra sleep or fun. There was lots of cleaning to be done that we can never seem to get to during the week. Lots of laundry, too. Haircuts for the kids. And grocery shopping. See all of the FUN we’re having?

Then we put new tires on one of our cars in preparation for our upcoming anniversary trip. Both of our cars need new tires, but only one gets the prize at the moment. (Tires are EXPENSIVE!)

You know that little trick they tell you to check tread depth, where you stick a penny into the tread upside-down, and if all of Abe Lincoln’s head is showing it’s too shallow? You could probably have seen his top hat with our tread, should he have been wearing one. It’s no wonder that the tires had trouble gripping the road, even on clear, dry days.

We know how to live it up on long weekends, yo.

And if all of that wasn’t excitement enough, our Saturday ended with a bang. No really, it was a loud bang as our garage door opener broke it’s hinge and the part that runs along the ceiling came crashing down into our garage as I tried to raise the door. One part shattered, with pieces found everywhere, including wedged into the door hinges.

Even though it was a holiday, garage door repairmen are available on Presidents’ Day. So Monday was spent waiting for the garage to be repaired. $135 later, we have a working garage door again.

At this point I think I’m ready to trade in my adult membership card for a weekend of acting goofy with friends and sleeping until noon.

How was your three-day weekend? (Or regular weekend for those of you outside of the US?)

Filed Under: daily life, family time, growing up, holidays, home


Feb 13, 2013

Nightmares Feeding On Mom Anxiety

February 13, 2013 By

Do you ever have those dreams that are so real that you wake up startled, disoriented, and trying to determine if it actually happened or if now, awake in your bed, is the true reality?

Now what about nightmares?

My sleep was disturbingly interrupted by one of those nightmares this morning. This one was worse than many because it didn’t involve any danger to me, but instead to one of my children. And unlike other bad dreams where I can wake and realize any danger was highly unlikely and improbable, this one involved a very real scenario that left me shaken and unable to go back to sleep.

In my nightmare, Mira died. It was a very life-like situation: she wasn’t with us (I can’t remember if she was at school or with family) and she choked on a bit of hot dog. The horrific scene played out where we received the news, and then planned her funeral. I remember sobbing that I’d never hug her again or see that impish smile. I tortured myself with “what if?” – what if she had been with me that day, what if she had only picked a different food or someone had cut up the hot dog better for her, or what if I had never encouraged her to like hot dogs? I remember walking into her room and seeing her favorite stuffed animals on the bed, and I was overcome with grief.

And then I woke up.

Terrifying, right? It took me several minutes to calm my breathing, wipe the tears out of my eyes and realize I could hear Mira arguing with her sister downstairs, perfectly healthy, perfectly alive. My mind was still on fire with the false memories from the dream, trying to push them aside and write them off as fears conjured into a hellish scenario for my brain to process.

The half hour remaining before my alarm went off was useless. I tried to go back to sleep, in the hope that more sleep would erase the lingering images from my mind, but the danger had been laid out for me and I couldn’t stop thinking about what I needed to do to prevent this from becoming a reality. After all, I had just bought hot dogs for Mira at the grocery last week after she asked for them – was this some warning, or just my mind arranging a random collection of thoughts and memories then taken to the extreme end?

I do occasionally worry about Mira choking. The kid is a talker – an excessive talker – and that includes while she’s eating. I’m often reminding her to chew and swallow, then talk. How easy would it be for her to accidentally inhale a piece of food?

And the concept of choking is one I’m personally familiar with. When I was five or six, my babysitter had given me some of the candy orange slices as a treat. (You know, the thick, sugared gummy-jelly wedges?) I was so happy to get them that I inhaled them. Literally.

I ate the first two without any trouble as I looked out the back door, trying to finish them so I could go out to play, but when I popped the third one into my mouth, it accidentally slid too far back and got stuck. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t yell for help. I remember the confusion and then the panic as I tried to cough or swallow to dislodge the candy. My babysitter was two rooms away and I didn’t think I could make it to her.

I walked from the kitchen to the living room, starting to hit myself in the chest, begging my lungs to work as I became light-headed. I remember stumbling over the rug (her rug had tripped me on many better days as well) and landing with my chest on the arm of the couch. And that did it – the candy popped up enough for me to cough it out. My throat burned as I gasped for air.

My experience could have ended far worse, and to this day I still won’t go near orange slices candy. I know Mira has trouble focusing on any single task, so I guess it’s only natural that I’d have a nightmare about her choking.

The hard part now is getting the nightmare out of my mind. As parents, we only have so much control over our children and we can’t guarantee their safety 100% of the time. Letting a child out of your site, even for a moment, is trusting that you’ve surrounded your child with the safest possible world and the best teaching, and that they’ll remember what you’ve taught them.

But there is no absolute safety. There are always risk, accidents you have no control over, and dwelling on all of the what if’s will only zap all of the joy out of being a parent.

When I came downstairs this morning, I sat on the couch next to Mira and she immediately threw her arms around me and said “I love you, mommy.” I pulled her close to me as she nuzzled her face into my neck, and hugged her tight.

That was my restart for the day. Instead of thinking about possible danger, I’m choosing to focus on the great moments I have with my kids. Because if something bad should ever happen to any of us, I want to know that our days were filled with love and happiness.

If anything, the nightmare was a good reminder to notice the little moments of joy in each day.

This kid cracks me up.
Filed Under: being a mom, family time, love, memories, Mira


Feb 8, 2013

Ring In The Chinese New Year At Molly Woo’s

February 8, 2013 By

Did you know the Chinese New Year begins on February 10? It’s a little like the western New Year, only a longer celebration with no pesky resolutions to keep up with.

The Chinese New Year is based on the Chinese lunar calendar. The holiday begins on the first day of the first lunar month in the Chinese calendar and ends on the Lantern Festival fifteen days later. Each year is traditionally represented by one of 12 animals. This year brings the year of the Snake.

There are several celebrations going on around Columbus for this holiday, and I found out earlier this week that one of my favorite Asian restaurants will be kicking off the New Year in style. Molly Woo’s Asian Bistro (in Polaris, if you’re not familiar) will be hosting the symbolic Chinese Lion Dance on February 10 at 4pm.

The classic ritual of the Lion Dance is held to ring in the New Year and bestow good luck to those who witness it. What should you expect? Colorful costumes, dancing, drumbeats and cymbals are all part of the festive event. It’s family friendly and a fun way to introduce kids to Chinese culture.

There will be special dishes served only during the Chinese New Year festivities, and anyone born in the year of the Snake can show ID and get a coupon for a free appetizer on their next visit. (Not me, sadly. I was born in the year of the Dragon. But Aaron can get one!)

If you haven’t been to Molly Woo’s, this is a great time to go. I highly recommend the Honey Chicken and the Szechwan Green Beans, but really, you can’t go wrong with anything on the menu. They even have a gluten-free menu for those who can’t have gluten, like my poor husband.

Giveaway!

Want to check out Molly Woo’s yourself (or just visit again)? I’ve got a $25 gift card to Molly Woo’s to give away to one reader. Please be aware that there is only one Molly Woo’s restaurant and it’s here in Columbus. Unless you’re willing to travel here, those from outside the area might not want to enter.

How to enter: leave me a comment below telling me what Chinese animal represents your birth year. Not sure of the Chinese zodiac? You can find a guide here. One comment per person, and please make sure I have a way to contact you if you’re selected as the winner.

This is a short-running giveaway! Entries will be accepted until Monday, February 11 at noon ET. One winner will be randomly selected shortly after the entries close so your gift card can reach you as soon as possible. You should still have time to visit during the Chinese New Year celebrations, although the gift card has no expiration so you can go at a later date as well.

Good luck, and good eating!

Full disclosure: I was provided with a Molly Woo’s gift card for this giveaway as well as a matching one for myself. All opinions expressed here are my own, including my love for any bright, loud celebrations.

Filed Under: giveaways, sponsored


Feb 4, 2013

The Invisible Dad At Costco

February 4, 2013 By

It was just last year that my family discovered the wonders of Costco, and we’ve been hooked ever since. The brands you can’t get anywhere else, the deals on clothing and basic pantry staples, and of course the samples! You can easily have yourself a mini-lunch by wandering the aisles and trying all of the samples on a weekend.

Usually I’m the one who does the Costco shopping, but yesterday Aaron went to Costco with Cordy while I ran other errands with Mira. Costco’s samples work magic on Cordy – the kid who is always scared to try new things is somehow more likely to try a new food with a grandmotherly figure offering it to her in a warehouse store. I can’t explain it.

But when Aaron got home, he was a little annoyed at the trip. They tried lots of samples, but he ran into a slight obstacle. At nearly every sample station, the workers (who Aaron has now dubbed the little old lady mafia) looked at Cordy and asked, “Where’s your mom? You can have one if she says it’s OK.”

Now, I know it’s always Costco policy that a parent must be present for a kid to get a sample. That’s a perfectly safe practice to make sure a child isn’t eating something they’re not allowed to have, or could have an allergy to. I support that policy entirely.

The first time someone said that to Cordy, Aaron was further down the aisle, so it was very possible that she didn’t notice that Cordy’s dad was trying to catch up to her and nodding that it was OK.

However, Aaron said that every other time he was standing right next to her – close enough to indicate they were shopping together – when she was asked where her mom was or told she’d need to ask her mom before she could have one.

And it was never “You’ll need to ask your mom or dad.” Dad was completely left out of the statement and apparently ignored even when he was standing with the cart right next to Cordy. He felt invisible to them, at least when it came to being recognized as a parent. I’m certain Cordy would have been talking to Aaron and probably tugging on his arm to ask if she could have a sample, so it’s puzzling how that connection would have been missed. Multiple times, too.

I’ll admit, I found his tale a little funny, but I can see how Aaron felt like his role of dad wasn’t as important to the sample handlers. Getting mom’s approval for Cordy to have a sample seems a little extreme when dad is right there and telling her she can have one. It’s certainly not a situation requiring a call for my blessing.

We still love Costco, but I hope in the future they’ll be more sensitive to dads in their training. It’s not a great amount of effort to say “If your mom or dad says it’s OK.” In 2013, moms aren’t the only ones doing the shopping, and we’re not the only ones taking the kids with us to shop. Aaron is just as capable of giving permission for Cordy as I am.

This is, of course, a lighthearted example for equal rights (Aaron was bothered by it, but not utterly offended), but the lesson still holds true. We’ve fought hard to gain more acceptance for women in the business arena, and I think it’s only fair to give equal acceptance to men in the domestic arena.

Filed Under: Aaron, daily life


Jan 31, 2013

Home (Mis)Adventures

January 31, 2013 By

Remember back in March when I had all these grand ideas of getting domestic and making some much-needed updates to our house? It was all good intentions, but other than clearing out a bunch of clutter, nothing else has been done.

Don’t get me wrong – clearing out the clutter has been a HUGE undertaking alone. It’s amazing what nine years of “just put that there and we’ll deal with it later” can do to every closet and corner of your house.

Example? This is only part of what came out of our hall closet:

The box in the foreground is STUFFED with reusable shopping bags.

I found my BlogHer ’07 swag bag at the bottom of that closet, along with business cards from several bloggers from years ago. The majority of the closet was reusable shopping bags. Forget the plastic bag crisis – we now have a reusable shopping bag crisis. Where’s the Pinterest boards for recycling your reusable shopping bags into something decorative or useful when you don’t need the hundreds of bags you have? Even my Costco trips don’t require that many bags.

The closet looks a lot more empty now. Considering we have no basement and that closet is the only safe spot in the house in the event of a tornado, it’s nice to know we won’t have to throw five feet of bags and junk out of it just to fit inside.

The swanky red plaid hunting jacket needs to be returned to my mom.

But every other project I had planned was stalled due to a lack of time and money. It helps that we’re now back to two full-time incomes (yay!) but the debt left behind from previous periods still has to be addressed.

A few months ago, I looked into refinancing our house to free up some extra money. We had an FHA loan and I learned about the streamline FHA refinance program, which is supposed to be an easier way to refinance the mortgage, with fewer requirements and relaxed standards. Seeing how the value of our house has declined as we paid down the mortgage – to the point that it’s worth about what we still owe – it sounded like the perfect program for us to lower our interest rate and payments.

Believe me, folks, getting a mortgage is nothing like it was in 2003. In 2003 we filled out an application and then went to closing when our house was ready, signed some papers, and received money back at the closing. Our down-payment was covered, and there was practically no verification of anything. It felt like a relaxing day out with a new house at the end of it.

Now? There are a lot more hoops to jump through. And they’re smaller. And possibly on fire, too.

Despite this being a streamline refinance, with no appraisal needed and fewer requirements from us regarding income and debt, it was not an easy process. I think it was easier for Aaron to get his military security clearance than it was for us to prove our employment and income.

We went through our current lender because they offered us a discount on closing costs. After filling out the initial application and mailing it back, we were told that a few forms were missing and asked to fax them back immediately. I remembered filling those forms out, but whatever – I faxed them in again.

A week later we were told additional documents were missing and they needed them ASAP. Funny, again they were forms we had already filled out, including one that I had sent back twice already. Fill out, fax, repeat. This happened another round as well.

Then there were issues documenting my employment and income. Now understand: we were using our current lender to refinance to a lower interest rate so we could pay less for our mortgage each month. We have a perfect record of (higher) payments for our mortgage, so why such concern over our ability to cover the lower payments?

Finally, a closing date was set, 83 days after the application started and 7 days away from losing our rate lock. Even two days before closing, another hoop was placed in front of us, as they demanded to see that we had the closing costs in our checking account before they could finalize everything (this was never mentioned before), and so money had to be shifted around and a method of proof found.

This morning, despite my fears that they’d find another reason to make it not happen, we signed all of the paperwork and closed on our new mortgage. We’re saving over $200 a month on our mortgage now, which will mostly be used to help finance all of the improvements we want to make around here. I’m almost giddy at the thought of picking out paint and getting estimates on the breakfast bar I want to add to the kitchen.

I’m definitely not a DIY blogger, but I’m planning to detail some of the changes we make to the house going forward. Or at the very least it’ll be a “what not to do” series.

Filed Under: domestic zero, home, money