Christina, Author at A Mommy Story

Aug 30, 2013

Learning To Be Social

August 30, 2013 By Christina

Back in June, Cordy had to go through a re-evaluation in order to continue receiving county assistance for her therapy. Basically, they wanted her to be tested again to make sure she still had autism and it wasn’t just a fluke when she was four years old. (Hahahaha…the county has such a sense of humor!)

We received the full report a few weeks ago, and it’s taken some time to read through all 13 pages of descriptions of her behaviors and test scores and what they mean. There’s no doubt she still has autism. Her psychologist said she’d be diagnosed with Asperger’s under the old guidelines, but she’s using the new DSM-V so it now falls under the blanket diagnosis “Autism Spectrum Disorder.”

It didn’t bother me to see that her diagnosis remains. We expected that. Cordy has autism, it’s a part of who she is, and while I’d love for the difficulties caused by autism to go away someday, I know it’s going to stick with her. It’s not something that most kids grow out of. I’ll admit that autism can throw a lot of barriers in the way of everyday life, but it’s also true that Cordy wouldn’t be the same quirky, funny, and smart little girl without it. Really, autism is just a name for the unique way her brain works, both good and bad.

What did trouble me, however, was seeing a high occurrence of symptoms of other co-morbid conditions: ADHD (both types), severe anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, manic behavior and depression. At the moment these are all considered to be related to her autism and not separate issues. I can’t help but think, though, how these issues could eventually wreck havoc on her as she gets older. Puberty is hard for any kid to go through, but when you’re different, it has to be so much harder.

She’s at the age now where she should be making friends and wanting to spend time with those friends. But she doesn’t express any interest in hanging out with kids from school. She can name a few kids who are friendly with her, but I haven’t seen these kids seek her out when we’re at school events. Mira has birthday parties surrounded by friends. Cordy can’t think of anyone to invite for hers. Making friends is not a primary goal of going to school, but I had hoped she would be a little more social than she currently is.

During the evaluation, the psychologist told me about a social skills group she runs just for girls. The girls are roughly 8-12 years old, so having an all-girls group is generally beneficial for this age range when gender-specific friendships begin to strengthen. And when boys are yucky and then start to be seen as dreamy. The girls all have different issues (not all have autism) and as a group they learn how to properly interact with others, make friends, and play together in a way that everyone enjoys. Without hesitation I asked if we could get Cordy into the group. It sounded like a perfect fit for her.

This week was her first social skills group meeting. Cordy wasn’t so thrilled of the idea of more therapy, especially when this therapy doesn’t have the big foam pit like she has at OT. The group meets shortly after school, too, when she’s already tired and cranky, and she protested that having to go to this was taking away valuable reading time from her.

When we opened the door to the waiting area , I found a mostly-full room of people. The moms were sitting in the waiting room chairs, while the kids were doing all sorts of things independently. Some were playing with the large wooden cube toy in the middle of the room, some were on electronic devices, and others were hanging close to their moms. There were several boys in the room, too, but it was obvious they were siblings and weren’t staying.

Cordy immediately saw the cube toy and went to play with it. I quietly took a seat, not interrupting all of the conversations going on in the room. All of the other moms were chatting with each other over what they had been doing on their two week break and the back-to-school routine. One handed out a couple of thank you notes for those who had attended her daughter’s birthday party. They all appeared to know each other fairly well; I felt a little like the outsider in the room as I listened to their conversations and tried to blend in to the chair.

Finally, one turned to me and asked, “Your daughter is new to the group, right? Dr. B mentioned there would be a new girl.”

I nodded, nervous about making the right first impression. “Yes, she is. She had a re-eval with Dr. B this summer. Dr. B recommended more social skills practice and thought she’d be perfect for this group.”

The woman smiled and said, “Well, she’ll love this group. They’re all hot messes!” The other moms in the room laughed and nodded in understanding. A wave of relief passed over me and I instantly felt more relaxed.

Yes, she called our daughters hot messes. But that’s the kind of humor that I’ve seen several special needs moms use to get through each day. Sometimes we need to laugh.

I watched Cordy playing by the other kids. She was talking to herself and not engaged with the other girls who were nearly shoulder-to-shoulder with her. Some of the girls were talking to each other, which gave me hope that one day Cordy would see a room of kids and willingly choose to talk to others and make friends.

Soon Dr. B arrived and called all of the girls back. I was hoping that I could get to know some of the moms while the kids were working in their group, but the room quickly cleared out. Only two other moms remained, and one of the remaining ones got up from my side of the room to sit closer to the other woman and talk. I reached for my trusty awkward situation management tool – my iPhone – and pretended I wasn’t listening intently to their conversation, when I really was.

Thankfully, after about five minutes they began slowly working me into their conversation. It felt great to chat with other special needs moms in person. They understood the challenges I have each day. None of us judge for the strange ways we sometimes have to do things to accommodate our sensitive kids, cause they’re doing the same.

I soon realized that one of them had a daughter so similar to Cordy it was frightening. Both have extreme anxiety, same diagnosis, similar sensory issues – and they’re the same age. I truly enjoyed the conversation. Just as Cordy doesn’t have a lot of friends, I also don’t have a lot of other mom friends living within the city.

When Dr. B released the kids, Cordy came out and immediately told me she had a great time. I asked what they did, and she said they introduced themselves to each other, set ground rules for the group, and then played a game together. Cordy also told me she made a friend in the group – who happened to be the girl who seemed to be so similar to Cordy. Interesting. Of course, she couldn’t tell me the other girl’s name or what is was that she liked about her, but hey, it’s a start.

I’ve got my fingers crossed that this group will be fantastic for Cordy, and maybe even me, too. I’m hoping she’ll learn how to play within a group and not get upset if things don’t go her way. It would be amazing if Cordy could have friends that she wanted to see outside of when they happened to be right next to her. And I’m hoping to learn better ways to support her through this, and maybe pick up some new wisdom from the other moms.

Hopeful. Ever hopeful.

I’m grateful that we stumbled into this group. I don’t want to change my daughter into someone else, but instead give her the tools to better interact with this world around her, a world which she won’t ever be able to fully escape. With the right tools and support, this kid will do great things.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, daily life Tagged With: girls, social skills

Aug 28, 2013

She’s Ready For Her Close-Up

August 28, 2013 By Christina

Over the weekend we spent a day with some friends at a beautiful house out in the country. We look forward to this get-together every year, and the kids get excited as the day gets closer, wondering what fantastic toys will be waiting for them this time in the giant backyard.

Mira was especially drawn to some of the dress up toys this year. About halfway through the day, she appeared from the house in costume, and remained that way until dark. Several other kids were wearing costume bits and pieces, too, as they took up plastic swords to defend the play castle in the middle of the backyard. Mira had a lot of fun playing “storm the castle” even though she insisted she was a superhero, not an invader.

I went into the backyard to take some photos of the kids playing. Mira was walking away from the castle, taking a moment to enjoy some lemonade. Then she saw me, and realized I was taking pictures.

And then this happened. First, the recognition:

Then, she suddenly stopped, straightened her posture, and looked past me without saying a word.

And finally, the face. A look of…boredom? Disdain?

She froze like this for at least 30 seconds. I took a couple of photos, saw her still standing like that, and asked her what she was doing.

She replied, “I’m posing for you. I call this ‘Supergirl taking a break.'”

Mira said that was her model pose.

How do you not laugh?

I should sign this kid up for acting classes soon. She’s ready to be famous, and she’s already got the attitude for it.

I should also prepare to see that look ALL the time when she’s a teenager.

Filed Under: Mira

Aug 26, 2013

My To-Do List Needs Some Weeding

August 26, 2013 By Christina

It just occurred to me that August is nearly over, which means summer is nearly over. And I’m now baffled as to where the time went?

I’ve been told the years fly by faster as we get older, and I’m convinced that the only reason this is said is because we pile on more responsibilities every year so we’re too busy to even remember to place the X’s for each completed day on the calendar.

Time didn’t fly as a kid. When I was eight years old, summer lasted for what seemed like forever. But at eight years old, my only summer responsibilities were picking up any toys I brought out of the house and being back home before dark. Hardly a packed schedule.

Now I have so much to do that things always get neglected due to running out of time to get to them. It’s vital to mentally sort what needs to get done from what I’d like to get accomplished and make sure the needs are finished before moving on to any “what I’d like to do” items.

And sometimes? Even the needs have to be sorted into extremely important and not-so-important categories. Hopefully you know what I mean – those days when you have to say “Do I NEED to do laundry today, or can these jeans go one more day?”

For example, at the beginning of the summer, I was excited to get outside and make this the year our yard looked nicer. We trimmed the edges of the lawn, I planted flowers around the base of the tree (which are still mostly alive despite my negligence), and I dutifully weeded around the house and the patio. There were plans to do even more, too.

But it didn’t happen. Other needs got in the way. Aaron has continued to mow all of the lawn regularly, since that’s one of those extremely important issues the HOA would crack down on. (Also, we don’t want ticks.) The front yard has even had the edges trimmed a few times, too.

But the backyard? Total disaster. My first weeding experience was intense, and I used a weed spray to make sure they wouldn’t come back. Weeds, however, are the genetic supermutants of this century, proving the theory of evolution as they laughed at my weed spray and grew back faster and with more vitality.

So fast, in fact, that some are trying to overtake my youngest child.

Yeah, I’m just as surprised as you, Mira.

For reference, she’s four feet tall.

So yeah, the back yard is slightly overgrown. Or very overgrown, if you regularly keep a manicured lawn. In my defense, I had a lot of other stuff going on this summer, and didn’t notice that two months had gone by without weeding. And at this point I don’t know how much weeding I’ll get done going forward, other than the patio, cause we do use it more in the Fall. I may let the ultimate weed-killer – aka: Winter – take care of the rest of them and vow to start fresh in the Spring.

I have the best intentions with my to-do lists. But I overestimate what I can get done in a certain amount of time, then have to cut the list down to only the items that will cause problems if they’re not finished. Work gets done, food is purchased and prepared, bills are paid, the family and our clothing are kept clean, the house is kept sanitary (but cluttered), appointments are (mostly) kept, but everything else? It may or may not happen.

Someday I will be more organized, but that day is not today. The rest of this week is likely booked as well.

If anyone thinks they’re more organized and on top of their to-do list than me, please feel free to share your secrets to getting it all done in the comments. Cause my only solution at the moment would involve adding more hours to the day, and I’m not sure everyone else would be cool with slowing down the Earth’s rotation a little for that purpose, even if it did have the side effect of making us weigh less, too.

Filed Under: domestic zero, home

Aug 22, 2013

Back To School, Back To Routine

August 22, 2013 By Christina

Yesterday was the first day back to school for my two. Cue angels singing, right? It’s no surprise that I was happy to send them back to school after a week and a half with them at home while I tried to work. No one was having a lot of fun and they need the structure of the school routine.

We spent the weekend furiously getting everything ready for the school year. Washing new clothing, stocking the pantry with single-serve pouches of food for their lunchboxes, buying school supplies, and determining wake-up times for school mornings that would still have them ready for the bus on time.

The bus was a bit of an issue. First, they sent us our bus route information with no route assigned for Mira. This had happened last year, too. Since our school is outside of our “neighborhood” area, they don’t usually provide busing for us. But Cordy’s IEP means she does have an assigned route, with door-to-door pickup. Last year it was easy to get Mira assigned as well, once we pointed out that they live in the same house, and will be going to the same school – letting her sit on the same bus seemed like a no-brainer. Why this note for her didn’t carry forward into this year, I have no idea.

We were also concerned about the bus situation when we received an automated call the night before telling us there would be bus delays across the district. They’re short about 100 drivers – with new drivers unable to complete training before the end of September – so there would be district-wide delays. Beyond being angry at the district for not having a backup plan (their plan to contract in more drivers fell through) I wondered how slow this would make the buses now?

The kids were up early yesterday morning, excited and nervous for the day ahead. We had them ready long before the bus arrived and I exercised my parental right to torture them with first day of school photos.

She’s grown a foot since last year, I think.

Mira still looks like she’s a small version of 16 years old.

Amazingly, the bus was only about five minutes late, so I had high hopes that they’d get to school on time. I grabbed all of their school supplies that didn’t fit into their backpacks and tossed them into the car, planning to meet the kids at the school for their first day. I left 30 minutes after they did. When I got to the school, about ten minutes before the start of classes, I found their bus hadn’t arrived yet.

I stood at the entrance and talked with the teachers while waiting on the bus. The bell rang to start classes and the bus still wasn’t there. I took Mira’s supplies down to her classroom and chatted briefly with her teacher, then went to the library for the first day welcome for parents. I chatted for about ten minutes, then walked back towards the front of the building to see if the bus had arrived yet.

Cordy was sitting at a table in the gym, eating a quick breakfast while Mira was tossing out her trash. (Both kids always accept the free breakfast, despite eating a big breakfast at home. I can’t seem to break them of this habit.) They had arrived five minutes before that, almost 20 minutes late for class. I asked Mira if she wanted me to show her where her class was, but she skipped off down the hall, waving back at me and saying, “No, it’s OK – I know where it is!” That kid will be in charge of the school by the time she’s in fifth grade.

But Cordy had a panicked look on her face. Having the bus bring her late can be a major anxiety trigger for her. She doesn’t like being late to something, and she told me over the summer that she gets nervous walking into a classroom when the other kids are already seated and working.

Her aide was with her and said she’d take her down to class, but Cordy’s eyes were large and she was clutching her chest (rapid heartbeat from anxiety) as she squeaked out, “I’m nervous…the other kids are already there and they’ll stare at me. I don’t want to go.”

I took her hand and leaned down to look at her. “Want me to go in with you, too? With me and Mrs. F, we’ll make sure you get started OK.” She nodded and we walked down to the other end of the building.

As we walked into the room, Cordy pulled back and tried to hide behind me. The other kids were sorting the supplies they brought in and no one was looking in her general direction. Her teacher this year is the same teacher she had for advanced reading last year, so they’re already familiar with each other. I tapped her teacher on the shoulder and let her know Cordy was late due to the bus.

Cordy’s teacher immediately welcomed Cordy back and called over her helper to meet Cordy. She asked Cordy to sit next to the helper so Cordy could catch up on what they had already sorted from the school supplies list. I handed my kid her supply bag, kissed her on the head and whispered, “You’ll have a great day. It’ll be better than you think it will.”

I wasn’t so sure of my own words. Walking out of that classroom, I wondered if Cordy would lose that grip on her anxiety and have a panic attack. She was with a familiar teacher, in a class where she already knew some of the kids – this should be a good setting for her. I hoped that the bus issue wouldn’t ruin her entire day.

As I was home working all day, I waited for the call from the school, expecting that something would come up. But there was no call.

I let them ride the bus home yesterday, hoping that by some miracle it would arrive by the scheduled 4:15pm drop off. Ha. It finally arrived at 4:45pm, just as I was reaching my upper limit of tolerance. The driver said it would be this way for about a month, but should then get better when they hire more drivers. I told her about the anxiety being late caused that morning, and asked if she could possibly start her route sooner to get them there on time. She said she’d look into it. I’ll give it a week or so before I decide if I start driving them to school or not.

The kids? They both had a great first day. Cordy immediately told me, “You were right, mom! The day went far better than I thought it would!” She did recognize kids who are friendly to her, and she even asked a very smart question to the principal during the school assembly on expectations for the year. Her question – what are the social rules for work time in the classroom?

Mira gave me a full recap of all of the friends who were in her class, and those who aren’t, as well as who she played with on the playground. She’s been assigned a task of carrying the lunch basket each day, too. She told me she already got her behavior card moved for – no surprise – talking. Her biggest problem in kindergarten was talking too much when she shouldn’t, so this year she may be in for a lot of behavior modification. But she plans to do better at not getting her card moved next week. It’s an ambitious goal, but one I’d love to see her meet.

I’m so proud of Cordy and Mira for handling themselves well on the first day. Cordy held back her urge to fall apart in a new situation, and Mira’s confidence is shining through as she tries to take leadership roles within her class and probably within the school later.

And they didn’t fight (much) with each other for their first morning back to school!

While I’m a little sad to see my two girls growing up so fast, I think they’re going to have a great school year. If we could just buy a new house closer to the school so we don’t need the long bus rides, we’d be set. Maybe that’ll be a goal for next summer.

Filed Under: Cordy, Mira, school

Aug 20, 2013

Boudreaux’s Butt Paste Kicks Some Rash!

August 20, 2013 By Christina

While I was at BlogHer, I was invited to meet George Boudreaux, the creator of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste, to find out more about how he started his business. As I approached the booth, it wasn’t hard to pick him out of the crowd. He had a booming voice filled with conviction as he talked to those who stopped by about his miracle product.

George was so friendly to everyone at BlogHer.

Although I don’t have babies in diapers anymore, I still have a soft spot in my heart for his product. You’ve heard of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste, right? I first learned about it from friends when Cordy was an itty-bitty baby. Here’s a video that might help, if you’ve never heard of them:

(OK, it’s a little silly. But that helps you get over the fact that we’re talking about a diaper rash paste.)

Cordy had multiple sensitivities as a baby and toddler, which often led to a lot of diaper rashes. She was sensitive to foods, she was sensitive to certain wipes, to certain diapers, to air it seemed. This was one of the few products that did the job at soothing and healing her rashes, often within a day or two at most.

My first question for George was an easy one: why the name? You have to admit, it’s not the most poetic product name. Tell the average person that you need to buy some “Butt Paste” and they’ll either giggle like a kid (she said “butt” hehehe), or they might look at you like you grew a second head. Of course, if they’re parents, chances are they’ll nod in understanding and point you in the right direction.

George, a pharmacist, explained that the original name for the product came when someone walked into his store looking for his “butt paste.” He developed it because he didn’t feel that other diaper creams on the market worked as well as they should, so he relied on his extensive knowledge as a pharmacist – and as a dad – to create a better diaper cream. It wasn’t until folks in his town had spread the word about his soothing cream that others would talk about George Boudreaux’s Butt Paste and then come to him asking for some of it themselves. He also told me, quite frankly, the name is descriptive and to-the-point. It says exactly what it is and what it’s for. I couldn’t argue with him on that.

As word spread, he started to seek out sponsorship in events to get the name out about the product. He said the best moment was when he sponsored a NASCAR race car. Other cars were lined up with your average snack food, soda, motor oil and tool sponsors written across the back of the car, and then there was the Boudreaux’s Butt Paste car! I wonder if the announcers pointed it out?

George also told me about the praise he’s received over the years. Not just from young parents, but also those caring for older, bedridden adults. Sometimes just the comfort provided by healing (and avoiding) a skin rash or bed sores can make a person’s day so much better. As a mom, I can attest that a baby who isn’t grumpy from a sore bottom is far more enjoyable than the baby with a painful rash.

It was a lot of fun to meet George and learn more about the man behind the Butt Paste. After BlogHer, I received a nice gift basket from Boudreaux’s Butt Paste including a new tube of the Butt Paste (always good to have on hand!) as well as Boudreaux’s Baby Kisses – a moisturizer for lips and cheeks. I’ve never tried the lip and cheek moisturizer, but I can’t wait to try it for Mira when the weather turns colder and her cheeks are bright red from the winter wind.

Giveaway!

Boudreaux’s has shared their story, and now they want to know your story! You can win one of eleven $100 VISA gift cards for sharing your story with Boudreaux’s, and your story might show up on their new website, too!

Leave a comment below sharing how Boudreaux’s Butt Paste helped you (or your little one, more specifically) to enter.

Or you can enter by posting a funny Boudreaux’s Butt Paste related photo to Instagram and then come back to leave the link to the photo as a comment.

You can also enter by sharing the video above on Twitter and leaving a comment here with a link to the tweet.

Full details of how to enter are below.

Good luck!

Sweepstakes Rules:

No duplicate comments.

You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:

Leave a comment in response to the Promotion prompt on this post.

Tweet (public message) about this Promotion, including a link to the video located here and exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that Tweet in a comment on this post.

Post (publicly) a Boudreaux’s Butt Paste-related picture on Instagram, including exactly the following unique term in the image description: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that Instagram photo in a comment on this post.

Blog about this Promotion (including a link to the video located here and a disclosure that you have received a sweepstakes entry in exchange for blogging about this Promotion), and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post.

For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winner will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

This sweepstakes runs from 8/19/13 – 9/15/13.

Be sure to visit the Boudreaux’s Butt Paste page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win!

Filed Under: BlogHer13, sponsored