Christina, Author at A Mommy Story

Aug 9, 2013

What No One Tells You About Owning A Dog

August 9, 2013 By Christina

As I’ve mentioned before, Cosmo is the first dog I’ve ever had. I’ve had cats as far back as I could remember, but dogs were foreign to me. I’d play with them at friends’ houses and beg my mom for one, but the responsibilities that came with a dog were too much and she always said no.

So when we adopted Cosmo a year and a half ago, I did a lot of reading up on caring for a dog. I read books, articles, blogs – anything that would give me insight into how to be a good dog owner.

Thankfully, Cosmo came to us with his basic training already completed. And since then, he’s been a fantastic new member of the family, learning our routines and a few new commands we’ve taught him.

But, there’s one important aspect of owning a dog that was not made clear enough, and today I’m suffering for it.

I remember reading that dogs have the intelligence of a two year old human. Which is why they can be taught to understand certain words used for commands. Most of what they hear is the Charlie Brown teacher’s wah-wah-wah-wah-wah speech, but in the middle of it, they pick out the words they’ve been taught: wah-Cosmo-wah-wah-walk?

So it didn’t occur to me that a dog might decide to learn words important to him, even if you hadn’t taught him those specific words.

Big mistake.

Yesterday morning, I called Cosmo’s doggie daycare to see if I could bring him in that day or the next. He loves going to doggie daycare. With Cosmo not far from me, my end of the conversation went something like this, “Hi, do you have any openings for daycare today? No? OK, are there any daycare spots for tomorrow? Oh, OK, that’s fine. We’ll see you next week then, thanks.”

As I ended the call, I was suddenly aware of a four-legged family member staring at me with rapt attention and a wagging tail. Surely he couldn’t tell what I was saying, could he?

I mean, when we say to him in that happy, bouncy tone of voice, “Hey Cosmo, wanna go to daycare and play with your friends?” he was getting excited from the tone of voice and not specific words, right? We could just have easily said with the same tone of voice, “Hey Cosmo, wanna go to the vet for a teeth cleaning?” and he’d react the same way.

I stood up from the couch, and Cosmo practically bounced to the front door, wagging his tail and looking to his leash. He couldn’t have heard “daycare” and comprehended the meaning. “No, puppy,” I said, “We’re not going anywhere.”

Cosmo paced back and forth in the living room for awhile, whining and occasionally staring me down with pleading eyes. I tried to distract him by playing fetch with one of his toys until he was exhausted, and eventually took him for a walk. He liked the walk, but as we approached the house again he stopped and touched his nose to the back of the car, hoping I’d let him in so he could go see his doggie buddies.

He didn’t let me forget it the whole day. Like a two year old, he pouted and sulked in the afternoon.

I just wanted to play with my friends…

Cosmo totally understood what I said on the phone, with no inflection in my voice and not directing it towards him. It was morning, he heard the word “daycare” and was convinced that he was going to spend the day at doggie daycare. When I didn’t follow through on those expectations, he was heartbroken.

The Dog Whisperer did NOT cover this part of living with a dog.

For the record? Cats do not cause this much drama. Cats never listen to a damn word I say and it works out for all of us.

So I’ve learned my lesson. I have to be careful with any words used in front of Cosmo. If I need to call about daycare in the morning, I’ll have to go upstairs, out of earshot. (Strangely, when I call them in the late afternoon, he doesn’t care. The dog can understand English and tell time!)

No one warned me that dogs spontaneously learn English, even when you’re not trying to teach it to them. Having kids was a good warm-up for having a dog – when we have to say certain words around him now, we can spell them out like we used to do when the kids were younger. “Did you buy the d-o-g his t-r-e-a-t-s today?” Unless dogs can learn to spell, too?

I’m still catching hell for yesterday, too. This is what’s beside me right now as I write this post:

You said daycare yesterday, I heard you say it. I wanna go.

Watch what you say in front of your canine pals, folks. They’re listening.

Filed Under: Cosmo Tagged With: dogs

Aug 7, 2013

Compromised By A Cold

August 7, 2013 By Christina

I came home from BlogHer a week and a half ago full of energy and full of ideas. It seems to happen every year, and I spend the first two weeks home trying to mentally sort these new blogging ideas and choose where I want to start first.

Only this year, most of that energy was abruptly stopped four days in when I started to get sick. I had already heard others saying how they came down with the post-conference crud, and by Wednesday I felt certain I was in the clear from it.

But then Thursday, I woke up exhausted. Utterly exhausted. Friday was the same, along with a slight sore throat. I tried to dismiss it as dehydration and not enough sleep, drinking more water and trying to go to bed earlier to combat it.

Over the weekend, the exhaustion continued, and the lymph glands in my throat were swollen. I was definitely getting sick, but I didn’t really have a lot of symptoms yet. It wasn’t until Sunday night that I started to get the stuffy nose and (again) the sore throat to tell me this was a full-blown cold coming in.

And now it’s Wednesday, and I feel like I’m only hitting the peak of this germ infestation. This might possibly be the slowest moving cold EVER.

I’d like to think it took so long because my body put up a valiant effort to fight it off, holding the line for several days before eventually being overwhelmed by the viral enemy. In that case, I’d expect the cold to be weaker from the battle casualties, making only a brief appearance to plant its mucousy flag in triumph before my immune system regrouped and kicked its ass.

Instead, I think this cold virus has taken the lazy approach. Seeing that my immune defenses were already weakened from travel, it didn’t see the need to amass forces quickly, taking its sweet time to build up gradually, completely fooling my stressed out white blood cells, who were only looking for critical mass enemies. By the time my leukocytes sounded the alarm, the cold was already entrenched and easily overcame them.

That’s all a fancy way of saying I’ve felt miserable for nearly a week now and today is the worst day yet and why won’t this cold go away already and waaaaaahhhh!

I was lucky to avoid being sick this summer until now. But no amount of Emergen-C or zinc is helping shorten this long-game cold. I can handle many of the symptoms of being sick – stuffy noses aren’t so bad when I didn’t breathe much through my nose for the first 22 years of my life. (I had sinus surgery to correct that.) The lack of energy, however, is frustrating.

Here’s hoping I’ll be back to my usual self soon, and that my energy will return so I can get back to planning out new blog posts with a brain that isn’t quite so foggy.

We’re two weeks away from the start of the school year, which means I have exactly two weeks to get over this cold and rebuild my immune defenses before the kids bring home shiny new germs from their classmates.

Maybe I’d better have my immune system double-down on those defenses.

Filed Under: daily life, me me me, plague

Aug 5, 2013

Summer Camp Terror

August 5, 2013 By Christina

I should have recognized the signs.

Cordy was excited to go to summer camp at the start of the summer. She loves the camp she’s attended for several years, and the only concern she had this year was that her sister was going to be in the same group with her and would bother her. (Ah, sisters.) Other than worrying that we’d hear from the teachers that these two were constantly arguing with each other, we expected an easy-going summer.

But then around the start of July, I noticed a small shift. When I told Cordy she didn’t have summer camp because of the Fourth of July, she seemed happy about not needing to go that day. That was puzzling, since routine changes are generally frustrating for her, and I knew she liked her summer camp program.

I understood her anxiety about the day they performed Puss in Boots, even though she handled it well.

Then came days when she’s ask if she could just stay home. I know that being social can be hard for her, so I dismissed any concerns in my head because she didn’t have a specific reason for wanting to stay home other than “we’re there for a long time.” Her teachers didn’t say anything to us about it, so we didn’t worry.

Near mid-July, she told Aaron one morning that she didn’t want to go to this camp again next year. She asked if she could go to a camp for kids with autism. This didn’t totally catch us by surprise – she’s recently started working with a behaviorist and we’ve been discussing autism with her, so I assumed that she was noticing more differences between herself and other kids and was looking for a way to fit in. Maybe she thought that being around other kids with autism would make her feel more accepted?

This was around the same time that we started getting reports from the summer camp of behavior issues. She was overreacting to things and spiraling down into a pit of self-hate when given the slightest correction. While I was in Chicago, Aaron received a call from the pool when one of her teachers couldn’t get her to stop hitting herself after being told to not talk to strangers, and he calmed her down over the phone, thankfully.

I’ve been baffled at why this summer has been so much harder for her than previous summers. It couldn’t be just because her sister was in the same group – the teachers report that they don’t play together all that often, and when they do, there aren’t any issues.

And then on Friday, the pieces fell together. When Aaron picked the kids up from camp, one of the afternoon teachers asked if the girls had told us that Cordy (and Mira at times) were being bullied.

Bullied? It hadn’t been brought up at all by either of our daughters. We knew nothing about it.

We found out a boy in the upper elementary group, and his friends to a lesser extent, have been bullying Cordy for awhile now. Cordy and Mira are in lower elementary, but the two groups are together for a large part of the day. One story was that this boy and his friends like to play a certain board game in the afternoon, and Cordy likes to watch them play. They got annoyed at her asking so many questions, and one day the teacher asked Cordy to please watch quietly and not ask them questions while they played. That led to the boy trying to trick Cordy into asking a question each day so he could then send her away. (“Hey Cordy?” “What?” “Oooh, you asked a question! You have to get away from us now and can’t watch us play!”)

My older daughter is naturally a rule follower, so she’d have to comply, since the teacher was originally the one who asked her to not ask questions. Tricking her into asking a question seems cruel, though, and she wouldn’t tell when she was sent across the room, because she felt like she was the one who had done something wrong. Telling the teacher would only get her in more trouble in her mind. It sounds like he made up a lot of rules to force her to do what he wanted.

This same boy also would take toys that she brought to camp, playing keep-away from Cordy with his friends. He did the same to Mira, too, throwing her stuffed animal onto the roof of the camp building a few weeks ago.

He had been verbally ordering Cordy around, but it didn’t stop there. He also liked to “jinx” her. (Like we yelled as kids when you say the same thing at the same time.) He’d try to catch her saying something and then say the same thing with her. Then he’d yell “jinx!” and tell her she wasn’t allowed to speak again or he’d hit her. When she did accidentally speak, he followed through with his threat and hit her each time she spoke. Again, Cordy didn’t tell because she thought she had done something wrong and thought the teacher would side with him since she broke the rule.

It’s no wonder Cordy didn’t want to go to summer camp. She had to face each morning wondering what this bully was going to do to torment her that day.

Finding all of this out on Friday night (pieced together from what the afternoon teachers told Aaron and from what our kids finally shared with us), I was furious with this kid and a little angry with myself. This boy had been bullying my daughters for most of the summer, and I was thankful that I wasn’t the one picking the kids up that day or I would have asked Mira to point out this kid for me so I could have a few not-so-nice words with him. How dare this kid pick on a girl younger than him – a girl with special needs, too. I wanted to speak with this kid’s parents, too, although I had a feeling that if he was a bully, his parents probably already knew and tolerated it. Or worse – taught it to him.

But I was also upset that I missed the signs for most of the summer. Cordy’s behavior was off, she was happy for days she didn’t go to camp, and she was asking to go to another camp next year – I should have realized something like this was happening. There was no way to expect her to tell us that something was wrong. My sweet, innocent girl believed she was at fault for everything and that telling someone would only result in her getting into more trouble. She was convinced she was the problem, not the bully, and if she could just follow the (absurdly strict, made-up to guarantee failure) rules that the bully put in place, there wouldn’t have been any trouble.

Mira had known this kid was trouble the whole time, too, but didn’t speak up to us because Cordy didn’t want her to. Mira told us that this kid was in trouble all of the time at the camp, but the teachers didn’t see half of the things he did because he was sneaky.

We had a long talk on Friday night about bullying and why it’s always OK to tell on the bully. And it’s not just OK to tell on a bully, but it’s necessary to tell an adult. Reporting a bully will never make you a “tattle-tale” and we assured them that we will always stand with them if they’re being bullied.

We also discussed how they don’t need to listen to rules given to them by other kids that sound like mean rules – they can always check with a teacher or parent to verify if they have to follow what another kid says or not. We also taught Cordy new scripts to use – if a bully tries to tell her to do something that doesn’t sound right to her, she can respond, “I don’t have to listen to you. I’m going to ask an adult.” And if a bully threatens to hit her, she can say, “I’m telling an adult/teacher that you’re bullying me.”

I also took a somewhat controversial step in discussing how to handle a bully. Our children have been taught to never hit another person. But on Friday night, I made an exception. If a bully hits them, they should first try to get away and find an adult for help. This should always be the first thing to try. But if they can’t get away, or they fear for their safety after being hit once? Hit back. Hit, kick, scratch – anything to protect yourself until you can get away.

We went through several scenarios so Cordy could lock the script into her mind as to when it’s OK and when it’s not. As I’ve mentioned before, she’s a letter-of-the-law rule follower, and I know she’d only hit back if a situation met all of the conditions. Although Cordy abhors violence, she’s amazingly strong and could use that physical strength if needed. Yes, she’d likely get in trouble with the school/camp for hitting back, but if she was truly acting in self-defense after being attacked, she’d face no punishment from us.

I spent an entire childhood being bullied and told “just ignore the bully and they’ll leave you alone.” I can tell you that didn’t work. Ignoring them only meant they would escalate their attacks, and back then teachers weren’t as willing to get involved with reports of bullying. There were entire school years that I was miserable, fearing what would come next from the bullies and unable to ever feel like I could be myself or feel safe at school. I still think about missed opportunities I let pass by so I could continue to fly under the radar and not draw attention to myself by those waiting to shoot me down again. There were days I didn’t want to live any longer because of the harassment I endured.

I’m grateful that bullying has become a bigger issue now and that many schools take a zero tolerance policy with it, but I know it still happens. Unfortunately, Cordy is a very easy target for these kids. She’s trusting, she’s sweet, she’s an open book with no ability to have ulterior motives. She doesn’t understand sarcasm and often can’t tell when someone is making fun of her. And she’s a perfectionist, meaning she battles low self-esteem and tends to believe everything is her fault, so she’s less likely to tell on the bully and will instead hold it inside as her own personal shame.

If I could have my way, she’d no longer be a victim of bullying. We’re going to continue working on skills to recognize bullying and to make sure she always tells an adult. We’re also helping Mira understand why it’s important to not protect her sister’s secrets when it comes to bullying and to stand up for her sister.

I’m done with bullies. It took me years to find my inner strength as an adult, and I refuse to let my daughters go through that. Now that I know that bullies can’t control me, I won’t let them play with my daughters’ lives, either. Cordy has lost most of a summer to a bully, and I refuse to let that happen again.

Follow up: Aaron spoke with the camp again this morning, and we discovered this boy has been a problem for several kids, including ours. The boy wasn’t scheduled to be there for this last week of camp, thank goodness, and the head of the program also said she’s informed the boy’s parents that he won’t be allowed back next year. I’m glad they finally addressed it, although I wish it could have been caught earlier.

Filed Under: big issues, Cordy Tagged With: bullying, summer camp

Aug 2, 2013

Review: The VTech Connect-to-Cell Phone System

August 2, 2013 By Christina

This review is sponsored by VTech.

We’re one of those oddball families who still has a landline. I know, it totally proves I’m a Gen X kid, but we have a few reasons for keeping it around. First, with the deal we received through our cable company, the landline is practically free. It’s also useful to have when you need to give out your phone number for offices and credit card companies – it’s basically our way of screening calls. If we don’t know the number, we don’t answer. If they’re someone important, they’ll leave a message or call one of our cell phones, which anyone important to us should also have.

Our landline is also that little extra protection against the unknown. Last year when we had the giant summer storm (the derecho), cell signal was knocked out for most of the night. The only way to call someone was if you had a landline, which we did. It came in handy for checking in on friends and family.

My cell is my primary phone, though. And while I love its ability to be a phone, camera, game center, work center, calendar, alarm clock, and kid entertainment device all-in-one, there is one thing it can’t do: clone itself. I get so frustrated when I leave my phone upstairs in the morning, only realizing hours later that I didn’t have it and that I missed calls while we were on different floors. Our landline has two handsets, but my cell phone is limited to a single device. [Read more…]

Filed Under: reviews, Sponsored-AF

Jul 31, 2013

Gluten-Free Breakfast With Udi’s

July 31, 2013 By Christina

It was not even a year ago that we discovered that Aaron couldn’t eat gluten. I had suspected it for quite some time, but it took two weeks of eliminating it from his diet entirely, followed by a visit to the doctor, for us to confirm that eating gluten was damaging his insides and his health.

Having one family member need to be gluten-free was quite a shift for our mealtimes. We had to read the labels on everything at the grocery. We had to buy separate peanut butter and cream cheese containers to prevent cross contamination from a knife leaving crumbs behind. Aaron couldn’t even order pizza with us, or have a fast food cheeseburger.

We’ve navigated the GF (gluten-free) world as best we could so far, along with some mourning of Aaron’s favorite foods. He misses the crackers he used to have as snacks. Cookies and cakes still tempt. And he really misses his breakfast baked goods. Of all meals, breakfast is probably the hardest to recreate without the gluten.

So it’s no surprise that we’ve tried a LOT of gluten-free baked goods and snacks over the last nine months. There have been a few hits and many, many misses. We’ve found many GF baked goods are often dry, flaky, or lacking in flavor. Some have odd textures, too.

Udi’s Gluten Free recently sent us some samples of their foods for Aaron to try. Some of the foods are items he’s tried before. The cinnamon rolls, for example, are a frequent grocery request. When prepared according to the instructions, they’re really moist and tasty, and the icing is just sweet enough to be decadent without being cloying.

Aaron also found a new favorite breakfast item with the Udi’s cinnamon raisin bread. His quote: “Toasted with a little bit of cream cheese spread across it, you have a nicely filling breakfast that has sweet, tangy and savory flavors. The raisins also help to keep the bread itself moist.”

We also discovered that for our slower mornings – when we’re not rushing out the door – the Udi’s millet-chia bread is a great substitute for regular bread when making french toast. And some scrambled eggs, peppers and cheese tossed together and wrapped up in an Udi’s tortilla makes the perfect breakfast burrito.

(If you’re looking for a recipe, well…you’re probably new here. There’s no recipe to be shared. Scrambled eggs are pretty standard, and our french toast recipe comes from searching Google. I never said I was a cook.)

For days when we’re on-the-go, or just need a snack, the new soft-n-chewy chocolate chip granola bars are convenient and easy to take along. I don’t find them chocolatey enough for me, but they’re still sweet.

And even though Aaron’s the only one who needs GF food options, I’ll admit I snack on the Udi’s cranberry granola. Yum.

No, really – just pour the entire bag of cranberry granola right into my bowl.

Finally, the Udi’s snickerdoodle cookies? OMG, amazing. Dude, even if you’re not gluten-free, you’ll love those cookies. (They weren’t included in the samples we received – we just regularly buy them as treats.)

I didn’t expect us to find such a wealth of GF items that are just as delicious as their gluten counterparts. Udi’s has shown why they are one of the biggest names in GF foods based on the samples we’ve tried. We like most of the Udi’s baked goods we’ve tried, and they help my husband live a more typical life with all of us gluten-eaters. I’m grateful to Udi’s for their focus on quality, delicious gluten-free foods that help those who must live without gluten to still enjoy their baked goods.

Full disclosure: We received samples of several Udi’s items for review, although we’re regular Udi’s consumers as well. No further compensation was received and all opinions are my own. (Well, some are Aaron’s, too.)

Filed Under: Aaron, food, sponsored Tagged With: gluten-free