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Jun 2, 2007

More Thoughts On The Past Week

June 2, 2007 By

I have no idea what day it is right now. I think someone told me it’s now June. Wow, that came faster than I thought.

We’re still in survival mode here, trying to get used to life with two children. Yesterday, Aaron took Cordy out for a few hours, leaving me only Mira to care for. I ate lunch, decluttered the living room a little bit, and fed Mira. As I sat there nursing her, I laughed to myself, thinking: I used to think this was hard? Taking care of one is a breeze!

Cordy is handling the new addition with the grace we expected – which is none at all. She’s doing her best to ignore the baby, and acting out in new and exciting ways, mostly directing her anger towards Aaron and I. She’s hitting, she’s screaming, she’s doing things she already knows aren’t allowed, and she’s physically hurting herself. Today, during a time out, she repeatedly bashed her head on a wall until she slightly bloodied her nose. Fun times, people. It makes my heart ache to see her hurting so much.

So far the post-partum hormone dump is only affecting me minimally, but I’m still waiting for the fallout. I had one sobbing fit on Monday night in the hospital, when Cordy came to visit for the first time. Aaron brought her in and said, “Look, there’s mommy!” She walked right up to me, looked at me, and then replied, “That’s not mommy!” Ouch. She eventually warmed up to me, but then when it was time for her to leave, I had to endure seeing her realize that I wasn’t coming with her, and see all hell break loose. Strapped in her stroller, with large tears streaming down her face, she cried out “No! Mommy! Mommy!” and tried to reach for me as Aaron took her out of the room. I could hear her screams all the way until they reached the elevators.

Physically, I’m still down and out. It isn’t as bad as a c-section recovery, but I wasn’t quite prepared for this. My nether-regions are unrecognizable, with the swelling, the stitches from the giant tear, and the hemorrhoids. Pooping is an ordeal that requires mental preparation. And I’ve already warned Aaron that sex is unlikely for a long, long time. Are there any good remedies for healing my girl parts? While I love the Dermoplast numbing spray the hospital gave me, it only masks the pain, and the Tucks pads aren’t that helpful. Things will go back to normal down there, right?

Mira is so far very different from Cordy. From the beginning, Cordy seemed to be angry at the world for being pulled out of her warm home in my uterus. She wanted nothing to do with nursing, and spent a lot of time crying. Mira took to breastfeeding like a pro from the very beginning, and so far (knock on wood, or well, wood laminate for me) she’s generally not too fussy. We had some issues the first two nights at home, when she would only sleep up against me in bed, but last night she slept in a sleep positioner and managed a 4 hour stretch. She also went out with us for the first time today, and slept for most of the trip. I keep hoping that she will be different from Cordy entirely, and we might just skip that whole colic phase.


Having Aaron home for two weeks full time, and then four weeks part time makes me want to send flowers to the State of Ohio as thanks for their parental leave policy. With Cordy, Aaron only had a couple of days off, but now he’s here for two full weeks to help make that adjustment. I honestly don’t know how I would manage without him right now.

So, we’re doing our best to find normal in our lives again. At the moment everything feels so overwhelming, but I know that eventually we’ll fall into a routine and I won’t feel so out of control. Until then, I have to struggle to find ways to make room for two needy little girls on my lap.

Filed Under: being a mom, Cordy, daily life, Mira


May 23, 2007

You Can Tell We’re "Klassy" By The Mattress On The Floor

May 23, 2007 By

So, uh, yeah…still here.

Remember how I thought I could be all clever and take the drop rail off the side of the crib to transition Cordy to a toddler bed? Oh sure, I thought, it’s still her crib – it’s just missing one side. She’ll adjust, right?

Yeah, well…not going so well thus far. Apparently a crib without its drop rail is, in fact, NOT the same as her crib. Two nights ago, I placed her in her room, tried to reason with her (HA!) about the coolness of her Big Girl Bed for over 20 minutes, then gave up and simply raced her to the door, managing to get out without shutting her fingers in the door. She screamed for about 2 minutes again, but then all was quiet. I figured she gave up and got in bed.

However, when Aaron went to check on her an hour later, he found she had climbed up into the rocking chair in the room and fell asleep there, slumped over holding one of her books. He moved her to the crib, where she did sleep most of the night. Around 4am she was up and moving around in her room, but she didn’t yell for us or cry, so she clearly wasn’t too traumatized.

Last night, though, was the worst yet. Twice I rocked Cordy to sleep and tried to lay her down in her bed, and both times her eyes would pop open and with lightening speed her arms and legs were wrapped around my leg. Aaron then tried twice, with the same results. He finally raced her out the door, but the screaming didn’t stop after 2 minutes like the previous nights. After 10 minutes, I went back in and comforted her, trying to place her on one of the beds, but she would not go near them.

I then spotted her little foam fold-out couch, and wrestled her down onto it, with me laying beside her. This was at least acceptable to Cordy, so we stayed there on the floor, with me right beside her patting her back, until she was asleep. I then was able to sneak out, and later Aaron came in and moved her to a bed again.

It seems we may have luck getting her to sleep if we lay down with her. The problem is, both toddler beds won’t hold our weight. Which now leads us to Phase 2 of Operation: Crib Eviction – we’re going to remove the crib entirely, and leave the mattress on the floor. She’s never liked heights, so maybe having the mattress on the floor will comfort her? And if it’s on the floor, Aaron or I will be able to lay down with her.

I’m not thrilled with the idea of her sleeping on a mattress on the floor – could be the college flashbacks it conjures up – but I’m willing to try it as another way to get her used to the idea of sleeping without bars.

Filed Under: Cordy, growing up Tagged With:


May 20, 2007

What Will The Night Hold?

May 20, 2007 By

Cordy loves her crib. She has a beautiful toddler bed, a Christmas gift from grandma, placed directly across from her crib, but she is still devoted to her crib. We’re at the point where she will nap in her toddler bed (on those rare days she naps), but at night she cries out for her crib and insists on being placed in her cage. I think she feels safe in the confined high bars of her crib.

We can’t wait any longer, though. While baby #2 will be in our room for the first few months, she will need a crib eventually. So today we started Phase 1 of Operation: Crib Eviction.

When Cordy goes to bed in an hour or so, this is what she will be greeted with:


We took the front rail off the crib, and added the toddler guard rail. No more confinement in her crib from here on out. Luckily, she can’t open doors yet (I know, a 2 and 3/4 year old who can’t open a door – a rarity, right?), so no worries about her getting out of her room.

So her choices at bedtime tonight will be her toddler bed…


…or her modified crib. Either way, no high rail.

I have no idea what level of hell we’re in for tonight, but I’m preparing for the worst. It could be a long night.

Filed Under: Cordy, growing up


May 12, 2007

Real Moms Brag

May 12, 2007 By


We may underplay our parenting skills, but one thing real moms won’t hold back on is talking about their children. Real moms know their kids are the best out there, and we’re not afraid to brag about it.

I mean, look at that face. (Click the picture to see that adorable face up close.) Those gorgeous blue eyes filled with both innocence and a twinge of mischief. That pretty, smooth skin. Those curls – oh, the curls! Her golden blonde curls attract many admirers at the playground, the mall, the grocery store…everywhere.

I know my daughter is beautiful, and I happily beam with pride that I created her from the building blocks in my body (with half of the DNA coming from daddy, of course). Where I see imperfections with myself, I see perfection in her.

But she’s not just the sum of her outward beauty. She’s also a bright, interesting little person that we’re learning more about every day. She loves numbers, counting all the way to 19 in English and 10 in Spanish. She can also recognize written numbers, reading off prices in the store, state routes on highway signs, and the address of any house we visit. She knows her shapes and colors, and can spend an hour sorting items by shape and color. Her sense of humor is unique, filled with knock knock jokes that don’t make sense to anyone except her.

I take pictures of her all the time. I want to preserve each new day, watching her grow and change slowly over time. I want to proudly introduce her to the world and celebrate each new milestone.

Of course, you should know I’m not insane. She’s not the ideal child by any means. I know others don’t see her the way I do: they don’t see that spark inside of her that I see. And that’s partially because every mom sees their own child as I see mine. They see past any imperfections to that inner soul, that reflection of something bigger than they are. Your own child is your legacy, your greatest project, your hardest job, and is undeniably a part of you.

So I understand if you see Cordy’s curls as a little unruly, or her skin a little too pale, or her temper a little too hard to handle. That’s OK – she’s amazing to me, and I’m not afraid to tell everyone about it. And I’ll happily listen to you brag about your amazing child as well. Because real moms aren’t afraid to brag – we know our kids are pretty damn special.

This post is an entry for the Real Mom Truths contest! The winner will receive this amazing 4G iPod Nano and Chocolate gift set, plus a link to their post on True Mom Confessions on Mother’s Day.

Filed Under: Cordy Tagged With:


Mar 22, 2007

Just Call Me (Hopefully) Nurse Mommy

March 22, 2007 By

It seems that, amid all the stress we’ve been going through lately (which is another post entirely, and will be coming, I promise), there is still good to be found. Not only am I now in the ranks of paid bloggers, but I also just found out that this fall I will be starting nursing school.

This has been in the works for over a year, and some of you may remember when I first started out on this journey. I’ve slowly been taking classes here and there, working on the prerequisites needed to even apply for the program. I finished those prerequisites this past fall, just in time to meet the deadline for applications to the online nursing program.

My local college offers an online program for those who already have a bachelor’s degree in something else, and are seeking a career change. All of the lecture is done online, and then labs and clinicals are scheduled for one day a week. The beauty of this is that it means I can still go to school without having to juggle crazy babysitting schedules, and without quitting my current job. I can find time in my schedule to commit to one day a week.

Getting into the program wasn’t a sure thing. They only offer admission to the program once a year, and there are roughly 50 spots available, when generally about 150-200 people apply. The three biggest factors for snagging a spot are your grades from your prerequisite classes, your grades from your first degree, and your scores on the Nurse Entrance Test. After that, there is also an essay that is considered as well. Luckily, I graduated with honors for my first degree, received nearly all A’s for my prerequisites (that damn Organic Chemistry class ended in a B), and scored high on the NET. Yet even with that, I still worried I might not get in.

The acceptance letter was such a welcome sight to see. Yes, I love writing and blogging, and will likely never give those up, but at the moment I can’t make a full living from them. And while my job as a student advisor is a personally rewarding job, it’s not that rewarding financially. I enjoy helping people, I enjoy making a difference, and nursing will give me the ability to do those things, all the while probably making more money part-time than any full-time job I’ve ever had paid.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not going into it just for the money. My mom is a medical technologist, and I grew up hanging out at the local hospital, so I know how hard nurses work. After having Cordy, I also came to admire the work of the nurses on the OB floors. But the money is a factor I must consider when it comes to providing for our family. Aaron wants to go back to school, also, and once I get through nursing school, he will have that opportunity.

We’ve already been discussing the possibility of me quitting my job in the fall, too. Writing three blogs (and looking for more to write), going to school part-time, raising two children, and working part-time outside the home may just be too much for me. The biggest time drain, with the least amount of myself invested, for all of those would be my job. If Aaron gets a raise (which he’s already due for, if they would ever complete his review), if we pay down our debt, and if I continue to find writing work, it is possible that I could quit. It’s certainly a goal worth aiming for.

So, what does all of this mean to you? Depending on how things go, it could mean a few things. First, I won’t be giving up blogging, as this is my one true outlet to turn to when I need to relax. It could mean that I’ll have a whole bunch of new school stories to share in the future (only the funny ones, of course). If the stories are boring, it could mean nothing – the status quo as I continue to do what I’m doing now. Or it could mean you’ll get an interesting glimpse of someone breaking down from too much stress, as all of the hats I’m juggling turn to stone and crash down on me. Let’s hope for one of the first two, shall we?

Filed Under: me me me