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May 15, 2012

Setting Up A Token System

May 15, 2012 By

In the past week I’ve described the token system we use for chores and good behavior for the kids to three different people, so I thought why not share it with everyone? We don’t give an allowance weekly at this point because neither of our girls have a strong enough grasp of money, and because many of the things they want aren’t things at all but privileges that have little to no cost to us.

We reward Cordy and Mira for good behavior and for helping around the house with doubloons. The idea was originally given to us by one of Cordy’s therapists, suggesting a token system can work well for kids with high-functioning autism, as they can see a concrete reward for tasks they accomplish and then use those tokens to “purchase” the perks they want.

The idea for using doubloons came from Jake and the Neverland Pirates last fall. Cordy saw it on TV and loved how the pirates collected doubloons for solving problems throughout the show. At the same time, Cordy was obsessed with dressing as a pirate princess for Halloween. Aaron realized that would be the perfect token system, so he bought a big bag of plastic gold coins, grabbed a mug for each kid (from our renaissance festival days) and we started to plan the system.

I think they’re Greek coins instead of pirate doubloons. Eh, they don’t know the difference.

You can make the system as loose or rigid as you like. We’re somewhere in-between. There are daily tasks that they know they earn doubloons for – these are often tasks that they have trouble remembering to do, or are difficult things we want them to master.

For example, Cordy has trouble remembering to turn off her bedroom light each morning. She gets one doubloon for remembering to do it each morning. She also has to take a pill each morning, which she doesn’t like to do, so she gets a doubloon for doing that, too.

When the task can be done without reminder and without the need for a reward, we phase out the doubloon reward and find other routine tasks to reward for. They get doubloons for helping Aaron or I without complaining (like helping us load/unload the dishwasher or take out the recycling) and for assigned chores that they complete.

We also award them doubloons for good behavior. If they’re playing well together, or if they spontaneously do something helpful, they can get bonus doubloons. 

They keep their coins in the mugs and then use them to buy privileges. Some of the privileges they can choose from:

  • Extra 20 min on the computer/iPad – 1 coin
  • A treat of 1 piece of candy – 3 coins
  • Staying up an extra 30 min after normal bedtime – 5 coins
  • Getting fast food for dinner – 5 coins
  • A trip out to the zoo or another fun place (if we didn’t already plan for it & time allowing) – 10 coins

Of course, anything that Aaron or I decide to offer to them doesn’t cost anything. If we plan to go to the zoo one Saturday, they aren’t required to pay. If they want something that isn’t on our list, we can assign a doubloon value to it. Mira once wanted a Happy Napper toy, but she had no money. We set a value of 20 doubloons for it, and she saved her coins until she could cash them in to buy her toy.

We like using this system at the moment because the coins have no actual money value (other than the few dollars it cost to buy the bag of them), so they can use them for non-money privileges like extra computer time or staying up late. Many times these privileges are just as valuable to them as anything they could buy. When they’re older we can move to an allowance instead of tokens, but at this age it works very well.

The system works well because it is flexible and can be adapted for nearly any family. You can set your own guidelines on how tokens are earned and cashed in, and you can adjust the rewards and tasks that earn tokens as a child grows and masters new skills. It’s a fun system that lets kids earn their privileges and gives parents a chance to set non-monetary rewards for good behavior. Win-win.

Filed Under: Cordy, daily life, Mira, money


May 11, 2012

We (Don’t) Wear Short Shorts

May 11, 2012 By

Now that the weather is warmer and my children have proven they’ve grown just enough over the winter to no longer fit in last summer’s clothing, it’s time for my annual disgust at clothing for girls. And really, it focuses on just one item: shorts.

I’ll begin by saying my girls are not the dainty flowers who never show a drop of sweat. Oh no, they’re hot, sweaty creatures who come home from summer camp each day with their sweaty hair matted to their heads. So shorts are kind of a necessary item to help keep them cool.

My problem with girls’ shorts is in the length. Nearly all shorts for girls have an inseam somewhere between barely reaching the top of the thigh and indecent. Those that are slightly longer often have leg openings so wide that they might as well be loose mini-skirts, or are skin-tight bike shorts.

 I love the fabric of these Children’s Place shorts, but that inseam is WAY shorter than you might think!

Cordy and Mira are seven and nearly-five. (Mira won’t let me forget her birthday is coming up in a few weeks.) They are not lady-like in any way. When they wear dresses, we must pair them with bike shorts or leggings, and probably will continue doing so until they’re older. Like maybe eighteen.

I don’t want people seeing my children’s underwear. I want them to have shorts of a reasonable length that they can play in comfortably without fear of someone seeing a flash of Disney Princesses or Dora underneath. Is that really so much to ask for?

No. Way.

Apparently it is. In my search for shorts this season, I’ve come across very few options. When I do find “bermuda” shorts (which fit the length requirements, even though some manufacturers apparently go too far and make these nearly capris), they’re often out-of-stock so quickly that I missed out on the sizes we need. I guess I’m not the only parent looking for longer shorts.

Target had some great longer shorts last year and I bought as many as I could at the time, even buying a few a size up for Cordy. We’re using the larger size shorts now, but we still need more thanks to a kid who is hard on clothing. They have a new bermuda design this year, but the fabric is even heavier and the waistband is very thick – I bought a couple of them to try, but the fit isn’t nearly as good as the previous ones.

Thick fabric (waist tie isn’t real thank goodness), almost knee length, but otherwise not too bad.

All I’m asking for is a reasonably priced pair of knit shorts with an elastic waist (Cordy can’t work zippers or buttons, and yes, we’re working on it.) with a length that falls somewhere mid-thigh with a straight leg or slightly tapered shape to them.

Maybe it’s time to start shopping in the boys’ section?

Filed Under: Cordy, daily life, growing up, Mira, pop culture


May 8, 2012

Happy IEP Surprises

May 8, 2012 By

Yesterday we got to spend an hour in an IEP transition meeting. While any type of meeting tied to an IEP would cause me an incredible amount of stress, this was Mira’s transition meeting for kindergarten and we already had the heads up from her teacher that they were planning to discharge her from any additional support.

We knew this was going to happen and we were in total agreement. Mira entered special needs preschool two years ago because of a speech delay known as speech apraxia. She had great verbal comprehension, but her annunciation was extremely poor, to the point that no one could understand a word she said. Even as her parents, we could only interpret about 25% of what she said. When she was first evaluated, they also noticed some weakness in gross motor skills, but otherwise she was a typically developing toddler. (Read: no autism.)

Years of speech therapy made a huge difference for Mira, and now she’s understood most of the time. So we weren’t going to argue that she was ready for kindergarten without any need for support. But we still had to sit through the meeting to review the final assessment from her team.

Most of it was what we expected. She still has some sound substitutions when she speaks, but there’s no consistency to when she does it and she didn’t come close to the threshold for still needing services. Her verbal comprehension score was the highest the speech therapist had ever seen, so we know that’s still going well.

Her occupational therapist said she had great fine motor control, better than many kids her age, as long as you exclude her weird pencil grip. Continuing a long family tradition, she doesn’t hold her pencil properly, and her odd grip is different from any other odd grip in our family. (And all four of us hold a pencil differently, with all four ways being wrong. Ah well, thank goodness for typing!)

The physical therapist told us that Mira has improved in her balance and coordination, but still has issues. She seems to have weak ankles and continues to be plagued by invisible gremlins tripping her all the time. The kid can fall down walking across a smooth, even floor. It’s possible she just has poor motor planning – or her brain is acting faster than her muscles can keep up with. Either way, she recommended Mira get more involved in physical activities to help with her balance and coordination, but that she scored high enough to no longer need their help.

The big shock came from the school psychologist. A standard part of the evaluation is a test of cognitive ability – in other words, an IQ test. She told us that Mira took a long time to complete the test, not due to any problems, but because they have to keep going in each section until she missed too many to continue.

Although apparently she took the test while wandering the room, putting her head down, resting her feet on the table, and generally wiggling all over the place. She had to bribe Mira with candy to get her to sit still, but admitted that Mira answered the questions just fine while moving all around.

I expected Mira’s results to be on the high end of average, or maybe even slightly outside of average. Her teachers have praised how well she does in preschool, and we know she’s a bright kid.

The psychologist covered up Mira’s scores with a piece of paper and uncovered them slowly, one at a time. This confused me – why the big reveal as if we’re on a game show? And let’s reveal the number in the next column…

Mira’s scores were amazing. She scored in the 99th percentile in all areas, or as interpreted by the psychologist: highly gifted. She was answering questions rated for kids over 8 years old. As she went through the data, it didn’t feel real to me. A day later, it’s finally sinking in.

I’m not trying to brag, although I’m super proud of her. The results caught me by surprise; I think I laughed out loud when she explained the scores to us. I’ve always thought of Mira as a smart little girl, but gifted? Apparently I was underestimating her. And like her sister, she doesn’t like to show what she knows to us until she feels she’s mastered it.

So the team recommended she no longer receive services for special needs, but did recommend that once she starts kindergarten we meet early with her teacher to discuss how to deal with her. She’s high energy and can’t sit still, needing a lot of extra work to keep her mind engaged. She’s a motor mouth and bossy, even to adults. (She thinks she knows it all.) If she is corrected or told she made a mistake – even the slightest correction – she breaks into tears and doesn’t want to continue what she’s doing.

But she’s also helpful, cheery, and loves to learn. She makes friends easily and is a master of social interaction. Her teachers adore her and love her enthusiasm in class.

We left the meeting happily surprised and confident that she’s ready to tackle kindergarten as a typical student. She may be gifted, but there are no supports for that at her age, so we’ll rely on working with her teacher next year to make sure she’s properly challenged at school and at home. 

And yeah, we’re probably doomed.
Filed Under: Mira, school


May 2, 2012

School Lottery: You Have To Play To Win

May 2, 2012 By

Or, like the real lottery, you play and still don’t win.

I’m learning that my kids certainly didn’t get the luck of the Irish when it comes to school lotteries. When Cordy was entering kindergarten, we applied for the school lottery to keep her at the school where she attended pre-K, knowing it wasn’t her home school but was a good fit for her. We were allowed to lottery for up to three schools, and so I picked two others that had a curriculum that might work for her.

That year, she didn’t get any of her three choices. It was only through an IEP loophole that the school principal made it possible for Cordy to stay at her current school, which has overall been a good place for her.

As much as I try to deny it, Mira will be starting kindergarten next year. (WHERE DID THE YEARS GO?) We had the lottery option again, and chose to select three schools for her. One of the choices – and really our top pick – was Cordy’s school. It only made sense to have them both at the same school, so I would no longer have to coordinate two different school arrivals and then wait an entire hour between bus drop offs in the afternoon. One pickup, one drop off = simple.

Just to be safe, we also listed two other schools in the district with excellent reputations. Our assigned home school is OK, but doesn’t have the academic report card and word-of-mouth recommendations that the other schools do. One of the other choices was a school close to Cordy’s, so at least they’d be close to each other if not at the same school.

I convinced myself that this was just a formality and Mira would likely be accepted to Cordy’s school. After all, the district does state that they have sibling preference as some part of the lottery algorithm.

Proving that my daughters should avoid any games of chance in their lives, the letter arrived last month stating that Mira did not get a spot in any of the schools we tried for. She was so far down on the wait list for each school that they’d have to accept two new classes of kindergarteners before she might even be considered. In other words: no chance at all.

I’m disappointed. Having both girls attend the same school was my ideal option. Not only because it’s an excellent school with teachers and administrators I like and respect, but also because it would have been amazingly convenient for me. If I needed to pick them up, they’d be in one location. There would be only one bus schedule to follow.

If Mira attends our assigned school, it means my kids are on opposite ends of Columbus for the school day, making picking both of them up at the end of the school day impossible without cloning myself or developing transporter technology.

But unlike Cordy’s loophole, there really isn’t a loophole for Mira. She’s not already attending Cordy’s school, and she won’t have an IEP. I’ll keep exploring all options, but everything at the moment points to me accepting disappointment. I can’t take Cordy out of her school – the disruption would be very hard on her – but there’s no way to get Mira closer to her short of moving to a house closer to Cordy’s school. (Which we’ve considered, if it wasn’t for that whole housing market crash.)

I’ll attempt to plead with the principal to see if she knows of any way to make it happen. With Cordy it was easy – the principal and all of the staff were enchanted with her, so they wanted her there. Maybe I’ll take Mira with me to talk to her. Then again, considering Mira and her bossy nature, maybe leaving her at home would be best.

Filed Under: daily life, Mira, school


Apr 30, 2012

Personal Check-In (In Case You Wanted To Know)

April 30, 2012 By

What I’ve been watching lately:

Once Upon A Time – Fantastic fairy tale drama. If you haven’t seen it yet, wait for a marathon on ABC and get it all at once, so you don’t have to suffer a week between episodes like me.

Sherlock – If you haven’t seen this BBC show yet, fire up Netflix and watch the first season. I’ve already watched both the first and second seasons and I’m now re-watching the first season. Ladies, I guarantee you’ll start out thinking the guy who plays Sherlock is kinda funny looking, but by the end of it you’ll think he’s downright sexy in his own way.

Political ads – I’m not at all happy about this. There are months left until elections, and I’m ready to petition to move it up sooner to get rid of the ads. My Tivo is on overdrive right now – I’ll even sit in silence for 30 minutes to wait for a program to record so I can then skip past the commercials.

What I’ve been listening to lately:

Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used To Know” – is anyone else as obsessed with this song as I am? I now have three different versions of it on my playlist. Including this amazing adaptation (thanks for pointing them out, Erin!):

Nicki Minaj’s “Starships” – total guilty pleasure here. I don’t want to admit I like her at all, but this song makes me want to dance and feel happy.

Way too much whining from my two kids – they sometimes make going out to do anything fun a real drag. We went to a Viking Festival yesterday, expecting to have fun. They saw the bounce house and could do nothing but sulk and whine about it, keeping us from enjoying everything else. When they finally started to behave better and earned a turn in the bounce house, they immediately began whining and begging for ice cream. So we left. The end. Moral of the story? Find a babysitter more often.

Construction noise – I’m so thankful that I’m no longer working night shift, because if so this little blog would suddenly have posts in all caps with no punctuation and probably no real words. The community directly behind us has started work on leveling the land for a huge apartment development. They were supposed to be single family condo homes, but thanks to the market and a paid-off city council (it’s apparently legal to promise the council money towards a park and new bridge that the city can’t pay for in exchange for a yes vote) they’re now building giant apartment buildings on the other side of my backyard. It’s loud. Very loud. And only beginning, guaranteeing no chance of moving from our house for at least, well, forever.

What I’ve been feeling lately:

Sick – I started last week with a UTI, forcing a quick trip to urgent care and now a strong regimen of antibiotics, and then ended the week with a cold, courtesy of Mira. I’ve been foggy headed and drugged up for the past seven days, making me very unhappy and not that pleasant to be around. I hope two illnesses in one week buys me at least a few weeks of health.

Nostalgic – Mira has suddenly found her singing voice, and just like her speaking voice, chooses to use it nonstop. However, I can’t bring myself to ask her to stop after countless repetitions of “You Are My Sunshine” because it’s adorable. She sings from the heart, reminding me of how fearless I was in showing off my talents as a kid, too. I’d put together elaborate song and dance routines and force my family to watch. Mira knows she’s awesome and doesn’t hesitate to shout it to the world. When did I lose that fearlessness?

Unsettled – This sounds negative, but it really isn’t. It’s the feeling I get when I’m suddenly possessed with the urge to do something new. Something creative. It’s building, but the spark hasn’t hit yet, so I’m left waiting for the feeling to reach the peak and find out what direction it will go. Maybe I’ll get back to sewing again, maybe the writing bug will hit in full force, maybe it’ll be something entirely new. I don’t like this nagging feeling of something being wrong, but I know that once it finally resolves, something fantastic will hopefully come out of it.

What I’ve been eating lately:

Baby carrots – I didn’t realize that when you buy a giant pack of baby carrots for your kids from Costco, there’s a 75% chance that your kids will suddenly no longer like baby carrots. So the dog and I are doing our part to not let them go to waste, which means a side of baby carrots with nearly every meal.

Yoplait Greek cherry pomegranate yogurt – I generally dislike yogurt. But I know it’s good for me (especially when taking antibiotics), so I’m often searching for a yogurt I can tolerate. This one? Delicious.

Girl Scout cookies – I’m listing this only as proof of my self-control. These cookies were purchased over two months ago, and they’re still in the house. I eat them slowly, taking only one “serving” at a time. I’d like to think there’s some kind of badge for that accomplishment.

What’s been on my mind lately:

Costuming – Thank you for your comments on my post about my husband’s costuming. I’ve been considering all of the advice you provided and I think the answer is I will join him in the hobby. Although I don’t plan to go headfirst down that rabbit hole – more like send a flare down the hole to scout for depth and then rappel down slowly. Not sure what costume I’ll do first, or how soon it’ll be done.

Party planning – Mira begged for a big birthday party this year. We normally never invite anyone except close friends and family, but she wanted to invite her class. She’s been to half a dozen birthday parties for those kids, so we agreed and she’ll now be having a big party with kids I barely know. We were smart and decided to not host it at home, but that still means getting invites together for over 20 kids and planning out the logistics of this party.

Budgeting – A smaller income equals a tighter budget. Suddenly I’m back to reading frugal blogs and clipping coupons each week as our checking account drops dangerously low. Although honestly, I don’t mind it that much. Sure, I’d love to go buy something without any concern for cost, but the trade off is that Aaron and I are both currently working in jobs we love, so I’m willing to set aside some of my wants for happiness. Besides, that stuff would probably just create more clutter to stress me out anyway.

What I’ve been wanting to do lately:

Home improvement – I may not be handy, but that doesn’t mean I’m not dreaming of new flower beds in front of the house and a kitchen island and new paint throughout the house.

Get my hair cut – Why do I wait so long for the most basic things? Every day I look in the mirror and see my hair reaching scraggly lengths, yet I still can’t find time for a simple cut? Must stop ignoring my own needs and make an appointment soon.

Laugh more – ’nuff said.

—
And that, friends, is how you write a blog post when you can’t keep two connected sentences together in your head at the moment.

Filed Under: me me me, random