It’s been a month since I threw down the gauntlet with myself and decided I was ready to make a change, which means an update is in order as to how my progress is, uh, progressing.

First, the easy, quantifiable update: I’ve lost four pounds. Not too shabby, I think. The “experts” say losing a pound a week is a healthy way to lose and keep off the weight, so I guess I’m doing the right thing.

When it comes to food, I’m eating at least one serving of vegetables a day now. That’s a 100% improvement over before. I’m also eating more fruit, whole grains, and trying to focus on smaller portions.

Best of all? I lost that four pounds while still eating everything I like, but not shoving as much of it down my gullet as before. It’s true – I’m still eating fast food, still munching on chips, and still enjoying chocolate. I thought I might have met my Waterloo when little girls in uniform courted me with these:

…however I’ve stood my ground against them, enjoying individual cookies without turning into a furry blue Cookie Monster and devouring an entire box in one sitting. (Mmmm, me love cookie!)

The difference is it’s all balanced out with healthier foods and everything is in moderation. (Not counting that massive chocolate cake I split with Laura last week.) And one day a week, I let myself have any foods I want, in any amount, without guilt.

You might be thinking at this point, That bitch, she’s one of those people who can eat whatever she wants and still lose weight. Nope, I swear, that’s not me. How do you think I ended up where I am now? Food and my thighs have always had a magnetic attraction for each other. And they still do, but it’s harder for only one cookie to gain a handhold on my thighs without reinforcements.

As for exercise, I’ll admit I’m slacking. My knees still hurt from my Bollywood experiment. (I’ll be back, though, Hemalayaa – mark my words.) Turns out Walk Away The Pounds really is more my speed for the moment. I’m taking the girls for walks on days when the weather isn’t quite so dreadful, using the stairs more in buildings instead of elevators, and parking further away at the grocery store. Baby steps, right?

Now that the basics have been established, it’s time for me to move on to the next part of this journey: working on my self-image. I must admit that I have no idea where to begin with this. I’ve always had a very negative view of my body, internalizing the hurtful words – practically emotional abuse – heaped on by certain people from my past.

I started dieting in junior high. In high school I thought I was a blimp and hated myself. But looking back through those pictures now, I can see how my body image was completely distorted. I may have been near the higher end of a healthy weight range, but I was not overweight.

1992 Homecoming: I’m smiling, but I’m thinking, “Suck in the tummy, suck in the tummy…”

I need to ask for help on this part, I think. Body issues seem to be something nearly every woman in North America can identify with on some level, so I’m hoping that you, my intelligent readers, might share an idea or two, telling me how you combat negative self-talk, or how you’ve entirely changed your way of thinking. Is there a book that helped you? Did you tape affirmations to the bathroom mirror? What works?

134 days left until BlogHer…

(PS – Also, check out Kristy’s BlogHer Good Health-a-Thon over at BlogHer for more inspiration. She has a great structured method to making changes for the better, if my laissez-faire method isn’t to your liking.)

I promised that my Hot by Blogher (button coming soon!) post would only be the first of many, and I’m making good on that.

Today, I’m thinking about food. Fooooooood…yummm. *drool*

Food and I have been BFFs for a long, long time. Possibly codependent lovers, even. When I find good food, it’s hard to stop eating. Food and I sometimes party long past the point when others would call it a night, and then the next morning I do my walk of shame past the fridge, regretting all that I ate as I avoid making eye contact with the pantry.

Have you ever heard someone casually say, “Oh, I forgot to eat today…” Yeah, well, those words have never escaped my lips. I’ve had moments where I’ve been extremely busy – forgetting meetings, dinners with friends, or forgetting my ID when going out – but never ever have I forgotten to eat.

That’s part of the reason I’m at this point today. My love affair with food has reached a toxic level, and in order to be healthier, I need to redefine that relationship.

Here’s my master plan to deal with food: less and more.

What do I mean by less and more? Well, I’ll start by less of this:

Emphasis on less chocolate…

and more of this:

Heaven in a box: chocolate yet only 100 calories.

Less of this:

Neon orange isn’t a food color found in nature.

and more of this:

Still processed, but at least it contains real veggies.

Less of this:

What do you mean ice cream isn’t a side dish?

and more of this:

I’m surprised by how much I love these.

Also more fruits and fresh foods, but I need to go to the grocery, so I don’t have any of those to show you at the moment.

Simple, no? OK, well, it’s a little more complicated than that. I will be making a conscious effort to include lower fat, less processed food in my diet. More veggies and fruit, less junk. And when I do eat junk, I’ll try for junk with less calories or a smaller portion size.

I’m trying to keep my calories down as well, but there is no exact number and no food is off-limits. I’m keeping a rough estimate of how many calories I’m eating each day, with a goal somewhere around 1600-1800. The other rule is that one day a week, I’m free to eat however I want, with no calorie counting at all. I did that on Saturday, and found that after eating well for several days, I couldn’t eat enough to do much damage.

This might sound really lax to many, but from past experience I know that setting strict rules for myself doesn’t work. If it works for you, great – post a list of rules on your fridge and use them to keep yourself accountable. But I’ve tried most of the diets out there – strict calorie counting, Weight Watchers points, no-carb, the soup diet, the food-of-the-week diet, etc. – and always ended up “cheating” at some point and giving up. It never works.

I’m not on a diet. I’m choosing to change my eating habits permanently, with weight loss being a desired side effect. If I want chocolate, I’m going to eat chocolate. I just won’t eat an entire box worth, and I’ll do a mental check to make sure I really want the chocolate (instead of really being bored, or unhappy, or some other non-craving feeling). Cravings are OK, but eating out of boredom is a bad habit I plan to break.

My greatest problem will be portion control, and I’ll be repeating my mantra often: You don’t have to eat it all today…it will still be there tomorrow. There’s no chance of bakeries everywhere running out of cake permanently in the next 24 hours. It’s unlikely that Little Debbie will go under by the end of the week. I will have the chance to eat it again.

So that’s the big plan. Less of the bad stuff, more of the good stuff, and permission to screw up now and then. As I get used to eating more of the good stuff, it should get easier to stick to the plan. I’ve already started the plan, and in one week I’ve lost two pounds. I have no specific weight I want to get to, but two pounds is a great start.

Lots more to come, of course. For those who are playing along, how are you going to change your eating habits?

(PS – Thank you to those who are cheering me on, and those who want to join in. The extra motivation from your support is awesome!)