idiots Archives - Page 5 of 7

Aug 3, 2008

Maybe I Should Save For A Tummy Tuck?

August 3, 2008 By Christina

I had the fortune to get an evening away with my husband – sans children – last night. We went to the Dublin Irish Festival because Gaelic Storm was playing. The concert venue seating was already full when we got to it an hour and a half early, so we found the best standing room area behind a row of seats and waited, unwilling to give up the best chance at seeing the stage.

As expected, other people believed if they just pushed in further, they could find better spots, even though we could see there was nothing left inside. So we had to deal with a steady stream of people squeezing and pushing past us. Some were rude about it (and drunk), others were trying to be polite. My feet endured the crushing weight of a few big drunk guys on them as they shoved their way into the crowd.

Early on, one lady squirmed her way around Aaron, looked at me said, “Excuse me, mama, comin’ through!” Her eyes had drifted to my belly when she said “mama” and as soon as she passed by I turned to Aaron.

“Did you hear that? She thinks I’m pregnant!”

“No, I didn’t hear her. I’m sure it was just a mistake, since the girl next to us is pregnant.”

And I tried to think of any reason to dismiss her comment. Maybe she calls everyone mama? Maybe she saw the kid next to us, belonging to the group with the actually pregnant woman, and thought he was with us? Maybe I was standing at an awkward angle?

But then just before the concert started, people began to switch direction and come out from the center, realizing there was no where to sit or stand comfortably in there. As one group tried to get past us, a woman pointed right at me and yelled back to her friend behind her, “Be careful, let’s not squish the pregnant lady!”

Somehow, Aaron completely missed that comment, too. But I was mortified. Everyone thought I was pregnant, and pregnant enough to confirm it out loud. But I know that no amount of sucking in my stomach can help me look better because it isn’t just the muscles or fat. It’s loose skin, left over from two pregnancies.

I’m working on tightening those muscles, and I’m still working out to get rid of any excess fat, but I don’t think the skin will ever bounce back. My only solution for now is to wear Spanx whenever I don’t want to look pregnant, because they do a great job at compressing all of that loose skin and flattening my stomach again. Maybe someday I’ll save up for a tummy tuck to remove that loose skin so I don’t look like I’m 4 month away from diapers, burp cloths, and every two hour feedings.

Although if it’s true that everyone at the concert thought I was pregnant, they were all being assholes by not offering me a seat. After standing in one spot for two and a half hours, I think I might have considered sticking out my stomach a little more if it would get me a seat.

Filed Under: daily life, rant Tagged With: idiots

May 1, 2008

The Summer Preschool Rush

May 1, 2008 By Christina

You might think that little Columbus, OH doesn’t have the challenges of the big city. But you’d be wrong. We have our traffic (there’s a reason we nearly named our hockey team the Orange Barrels), we have plenty of crime, and when it comes to early childhood education, we must also rush to find the best programs. (Although most don’t require an interview.)

OK, actually, preschools aren’t that hard to find around here, and in Cordy’s situation, we have a guaranteed preschool for her. But her school follows the district’s calendar, so once June rolls around, we’re on our own to find a good summer program for her.

Summer camp guides are published at the beginning of March, and like many parents of three year olds, I snagged a copy and quickly began circling any program that looked promising. Most are run by private preschools, and are somewhat academic in nature, with a lot of “summer fun” thrown in. After I narrowed it down, I began calling to see if we could get her name on the list for any of these programs. And time after time, I ran into one big problem:

“Is she potty trained?”

Oh, how I hate that question. I always want to respond back with, “Do I ask you about your bathroom habits?”

Cordy isn’t potty trained yet, and shows no signs of planning to master this task anytime soon. We have days when I ask her if she wants to use her potty, and she will. But most other days she responds with, “No thank you, I like my diaper.” And she never has asked to use the potty, either. She watches all of the other kids at school go into the little bathroom stalls and do their business, but she refuses to try.

This isn’t a big deal to me, because I know that eventually she’ll get it. The sensory issues involved with this are tough for her, so while I do encourage her and ask if she wants to use the potty several times a day, I refuse to push the issue and force her.

So finding a summer program has been difficult, because we can never get past that question on the phone. No one wants a three year old who isn’t potty trained, and no one will accept a three year old in their two year old program, where potty training isn’t necessary. (Despite the fact that most are half-day programs, so they wouldn’t need to change a pull-up before I’d be back to get her.)

And then there was this preschool.

One school, who shall remain unnamed but I’ll give you a hint that it is a chain daycare/preschool, asked me that question, and when I said she wasn’t potty trained, they asked, “Well, can you get her trained by summer? Is there any reason she’s resisting potty training?”

“Well,” I began cautiously, “She has some sensory issues…”

I was cut off. “Is she autistic?”

“Yes, but she’s very high functioning. She…”

“I’m sorry, but we don’t have the facilities to deal with an autistic child.”

“Uh, what? What kind of facilities would you need?”

“I’m sorry, we can’t accept an autistic child.”

And just like that, the conversation was over. They didn’t have the facilities for my daughter. What did they think they needed? A locked cage? A padded room? A big plastic bubble to make sure her autism didn’t rub off on the other kids?

Thankfully, Cordy’s teacher told me about a small summer program run by the school district. They can’t take everyone, so we have to apply and hope that they see Cordy’s potential lack of summer instruction as a risk of regression. And we have one other program as a possible backup, in case the school district’s program doesn’t accept her.

But now I must wait for the letter telling me where my preschooler will spend her summer. It’s not quite like the NYC preschool rush, but it’s still a little nerve-wracking.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, school Tagged With: idiots

Apr 14, 2008

Will She Give The Kid A Beer, Too?

April 14, 2008 By Christina

On my morning drive to Cordy’s preschool, I was stopped at a ~~obscenely~~ long traffic light. I glanced over to the car beside me. There was a boy in the passenger seat – couldn’t have been older than seven or eight – and a woman I will assume is his mom was driving the car. In her hand was a cigarette, and the only ventilation was the two inch crack in the mom’s window needed to flick her ashes into the street. I saw the boy coughing, but the mom continued to talk on her Bluetooth, seemingly unconcerned.

I understand that smoking is a tough habit to break, and that some don’t want to break their habit. I also know that many smokers are smart people who comprehend the dangers of smoking, not only to themselves but to others around them. Secondhand smoke is no longer a theoretical risk – it’s been proven to cause real health problems.

But forcing your kid to sit in a smoke-filled car? Not cool. In some places, it’s considered child abuse and against the law. I don’t care how cold it is outside. Two inches from one window is not remotely close to enough ventilation. The kid was coughing – sure, he could have had a cold, but even if it was a cold, do you think the smoke was helping his lungs recover from that cold? If she’s smoking, then by default he’s smoking, too. Does he get to drink if she has a cocktail?

This is a touchy subject for me because I was that kid when I was younger. My mom didn’t smoke, but my aunts did, and they would routinely smoke in the car when we traveled. If it was warm out, they’d have the windows down, but in the winter? Two inches. And I coughed. A lot.

Turns out, I have a bit of a reaction to cigarette smoke. After being in an enclosed space with smokers for even an hour, I spend the next week in misery with all of the symptoms of the worst cold you can imagine. It’s why I always wanted to sit on the patio at the local bars in college, and why I generally avoided clubs. I don’t like feeling sick for days all because someone else wanted their nicotine fix.

There are plenty of considerate smokers out there. I have friends who smoke, and it doesn’t bother me. They are always polite, smoking outdoors and never if I’m in the car. I know other smokers who have kids, and they never smoke in the house or car because of their kids. They will go out of their way to keep their kids away from the smoke. Some quit before kids.

I couldn’t help but stare at this woman and her child as we stopped at the next light and were beside each other again. She made no effort to blow the smoke towards her two inch vent to the outside, and she didn’t seem to notice her child looked miserable. Was her desire for a cigarette so strong that she’d rather put her child’s health at risk rather than waiting the 15 minutes (at most) it would take to drop the kid off at school?

I’ll admit I’m completely and utterly biased. If you want to smoke, that is completely OK with me. Cigarettes are legal, and smoking them is legal. I don’t have a problem with it until you start affecting someone else’s health, especially a child’s. The lungs of a child are especially sensitive to the effects of secondhand smoke, and they are more vulnerable because they often have no ability to escape the smoke. And while I can simply avoid a person who is an inconsiderate smoker, a child can’t choose to go somewhere else because their parents are smoking around them.

At least give your kids the choice to smoke when they’re eighteen. Don’t decide for them before they’re even out of diapers.

Filed Under: big issues, rant Tagged With: idiots

Mar 12, 2008

Socializing Our Girls To Be Meek, Uninteresting Women

March 12, 2008 By Christina

The other day I was at my favorite resale shop (c’mon, you think I pay full price for Gymboree?), and as I was at the back of the store, glancing through the toys, I saw a little girl toddle up to a small basketball hoop. She couldn’t have been more than 18 months, and she was enamored with this little plastic stand with the nylon hoop. She hung onto the rim, bouncing up and down with glee. It was really cute.

Her mom glanced down and, seeing her daughter putting a ball through the hoop, pulled her away, saying, “No honey, that toy isn’t for you. It’s a boy’s toy. Let’s find you a different toy.”

I had already walked past them at this point, and my head nearly snapped off as I turned to see what was going on. The little girl started to fuss and tried to go back to the basketball hoop. The mom was more forceful this time: “No, leave it alone! It’s not for you – I told you it’s a toy for boys! You can’t have it.” She picked the child up so she couldn’t get back to the toy.

An older woman then turned to her as the little girl started to cry, reaching out for the toy she desired. “What’s she trying to play with?”

“Oh, mom, she’s trying to play with that hoop over there. I told her it’s not a toy for her.”

The grandmother made cooing noises as she smiled and stroked the cheek of the little girl. “Honey, that’s a boy toy. Let’s find you a pretty doll, OK? You’ll like a little doll to play with.” The girl’s mom nodded and they walked further down the aisle to find a doll, all while the toddler looked back over her mother’s shoulder at the basketball hoop she wanted so badly.

I didn’t want to get involved. But I nearly did because I was so angry at what I was seeing. This is where it starts. This is where the separation of the sexes begins, as little girls are told that only certain things are proper for them. (And I’m sure some little boys are also told that dolls aren’t appropriate for them. I’m not trying to suggest that boys aren’t subject to gender bias, too.)

Where does it go from here, I wonder?

That little girl won’t play sports, because sports are for boys.

She won’t be encouraged in math or science, because English and the arts are what girls should be good in.

She’ll starve herself and be obsessed with her physical appearance, because she’ll believe that is where her worth lies.

She won’t ask out that nice, shy boy she likes in school – the one who seems to like her too – because girls aren’t supposed to make the first move.

She won’t say no when the next boy she dates pressures her into sex, because she feels that she can’t say no to him because he’s male.

She may go to college, but will pick an easy major and look to get her MRS degree.

She’ll never try to run for president, because that’s a job for boys.

This may sound extreme, but it’s all possible. Why should we limit our children’s futures based on their gender? I thought that we as a society might have progressed a little further than pulling a child away from a basketball hoop and forcing a doll on her instead, but I guess not.

Currently, Cordy’s favorite toys are her rocket ship, her cars, and her building blocks. At the same time, she loves her stuffed bears and must have them in bed with her at night. Her favorite color is purple, but she says she wants to play drums or be an astronaut when she grows up. (Aw, just like mommy. I’m so proud.)

My girls will be raised to believe that they can be anything they want to be. I would never place limits on them because they happen to be female. If they were boys, I’d feel the same way. It’s time to stop thinking that women are only allotted particular interests or opportunities in life because of the double X chromosome set. We’re just as smart as men, and just as capable of performing any job a man can do. (Including careers in science, technology, government and the military.)

I’ll willingly agree that men and women are different, and sometimes behave differently due to our biology. But this doesn’t make one gender inferior to the other. Just because men tend towards more muscle mass doesn’t mean women can’t be athletes. And just because women seem to have more of a nurture instinct doesn’t mean men can’t be excellent stay at home dads.

Beyond our biology, we all have our individual strengths and weaknesses, and those strengths should be encouraged and allowed to flourish. If I had my way, I’d erase from our collective thoughts any idea of a “girl toy” or “boy toy”. They’re just toys.

If that little girl had been mine, I would have bought her that basketball hoop without a second thought. And taught her how to do a slam dunk.

Filed Under: big issues, Cordy, rant Tagged With: idiots

Dec 18, 2007