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Jun 17, 2011

When Workouts Attack

June 17, 2011 By

Now that my daughters are in summer camp, I have a little more flexibility in my schedule each day. As a result, I decided to try going to my strength training bootcamp class in the late afternoon rather than the evening yesterday. I know so many people who say that working out in the morning is the best for them, and well, late afternoon is the third-shift worker’s “morning” so it sounded like a good plan.

It wasn’t a good plan. OK, that’s not quite fair – it’s possible that working out at that time of the day is fine, but for whatever reason, yesterday did not work at all.

I ate a small meal with a glass of water an hour before my workout, just like I always do, and when I arrived at the gym I didn’t feel any different than normal. I signed in and began stretching, realizing I was a little tired but ready to get moving.

Class started and I made the decision to not push myself too hard. It’s been a busy week, so I used the 9lb hand weights instead of the 12lb ones. The first circuit was mostly lower body moves – I’ve got strong legs, so I had no reason to expect any difficulty. Jump squats, followed by twisting lunges, and then a wall sit (holding a 10lb weight for all of this) made up this circuit.

When we repeated the circuit, I found my balance was really off for the lunges: each time I lunged and twisted my upper body, it took a lot of effort to not fall over. I tried to slightly widen my stance, but still occasionally tipped over to the side and had to grab the wall for support. Balance has never been my strength, so I didn’t think anything of it.

During the second wall sit, though, I started to realize this was not going to be a good day. A wall sit usually doesn’t bother me. Sure, it burns, but nothing out of the ordinary. This time, my legs were practically vibrating with shaking as I tried to look at the TV on the wall and distract myself.

I took a few large sips from my Gatorade and tried to shake it off. I made it through the next circuit of moves (sumo squats, hip flexors, and dead lifts with bicep curls) twice, and while I was sweating hard, I didn’t feel that bad.

It was the next two circuits where something went wrong. At the end of the third circuit, I started to feel fuzzy-headed and a little sick to my stomach. I kept drinking my Gatorade, thinking I just needed a little burst of sugar to replenish my glycogen. Still, I kept going.

At this point my memory is very fuzzy. I remember sometime during the fourth circuit a weak sensation came over me. And then the next thing I remember is sitting on the floor with my back against the wall. Did I pass out? I don’t think so. But I definitely have a gap in my memory at that point.

I don’t remember how I got there. Apparently I quietly sat down, because the class would have stopped had I collapsed. After a minute or so, my trainer realized I wasn’t getting up and asked if I was OK. I mumbled something about being underslept and she instructed me to finish my Gatorade. I continued to sit there for a few more minutes, still wondering how I got to the floor and trying to piece together what had happened.

After I finished my Gatorade, I (foolishly) tried to get right back into the class. They were on abs, and I didn’t want to miss my ab work. I did one set of crunches before the dizzy/sick feeling came over me again. My heart was beating faster than the techno music from the classroom speakers. Having finished my first Gatorade, I was given a second one and told to rest. 

The workout was an epic fail. The remainder of the night I continued to be weak and foggy-headed, despite eating dinner and drinking plenty of water. I don’t appear to be coming down with any illness, so I can only guess that I somehow worked myself too hard, even though I wasn’t working as hard as I’ve done in the past.

Can the time of day really affect performance that dramatically? Or was I just having an off day? I’m not sure, but I’ve never had to quit in the middle of one of my classes, so something clearly wasn’t right.

I’m planning to take a few days of rest before attempting any further exercise. Maybe some extra sleep would be more useful than more workout time at the moment?

Filed Under: ow Tagged With: ,


Jun 14, 2011

And Exhale

June 14, 2011 By

Yesterday was the first day of summer camp for Cordy and Mira. I worried Mira would have trouble adjusting to a new location that wasn’t her normal preschool. I worried that Cordy wouldn’t be able to cope with the demands of being in the older kid class this year, and that her teachers wouldn’t know how to handle her or wouldn’t like her.

Thankfully, most of that worry is now gone.

They both had a great first day. Mira’s teachers said she’s a ball of energy and fun to be around. Although she started the summer by putting a few well-placed gashes and scrapes into her leg on the playground that morning, she still kept a smile on her face throughout the day. Seeing how she’s such a social butterfly, I have no doubt that she’ll be running her class before the week is over.

At the end of the day, I found Cordy on the playground away from the other kids, laying on a bench and holding a ball. Her teachers reported that she was great all morning, and then a little difficult to deal with in the afternoon. She looked tired, they said, and I can believe she was. A new environment is very stressful on Cordy, so it’s likely she hit her sensory threshold by midday. But they handled her the best way possible – they gave her some space and let her rest for a little while.

She was also very thirsty, probably from not drinking any of her water in the water bottle we’re required to send each day. While I understand their reasoning for asking that kids only bring water (other than lunch), we’ve had this battle of wills with Cordy in the past and she will pass out from dehydration before drinking water. We may have to start spiking her water with a splash of juice to convince her to drink it. I’d rather she drink an ounce of juice in 10 ounces of water rather than drink nothing at all.

But the artwork in her backpack proved that Cordy didn’t mope all day. There were beautiful, full-color drawings of people and animals, and she made a series of flags with each one containing a drawing of one member of our family. (OK, the cats all had to share a flag.) I’m not sure how well she interacted with the other kids, but at least she enjoyed expressing herself artistically.

As we drove away from camp, I asked the girls if they had fun. They both said yes. And then I asked if they wanted to go back tomorrow. They again both answered yes. (Which is a rare moment for Cordy! She generally never wants to repeat something that is new to her.)

I am now cautiously optimistic that they’re going to have a great summer.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, daily life, growing up, Mira


Jun 13, 2011

The World is Upside Down

June 13, 2011 By

Ya know, sometimes you do everything right and get nothing for your hard work. And then sometimes you let things slide and find yourself rewarded for slacking off.

Consider last week one of the latter situations.

Despite trying to see the positive side of a plateau, I was still feeling irritated about being unable to make the scale move. That irritation translated into sloppy habits: grabbing not one but two cookies at work, eating fast food more often than I should, and choosing to not log my calories for a couple of days because it was just too tiring to think about.

I did go to my bootcamp class on Tuesday night, where I was completely whipped by my trainer. Not sure if that night’s routine was harder or if my lazy self was getting weaker, but I really struggled through it.

And then, on Saturday morning I stepped on the scale, fully ready to take the beating I deserved for a week of indulgence.

The number displayed was 166.8.

Not only did I finally break the 169 plateau, but I slid down over two pounds. I’m officially at my lowest adult weight ever.

I felt good, too. Looking in the mirror, I could see the two images of myself switching back and forth – still seeing the “fat me” that my poor, troubled brain perceives, but also seeing the muscle definition, the smaller waist and hips, and the healthier version that the mirror is really reflecting. I’m becoming healthy. I’m witnessing my risks for several diseases drop with each inch that disappears from my waist.

(And then I celebrated by eating too much that night and having cake for my husband’s birthday the next day. Eh, you win some, you lose some. No way I’m stepping on the scale again until I’ve had some time to detox from food overload. I seriously doubt I could get that lucky with the scale ever again.)

Filed Under: success, weigh-in Tagged With: , ,


Jun 8, 2011

School’s Out For Summer! Everyone Panic!

June 8, 2011 By

The school year was officially over last week, leaving me to explain the concept of summer break to Cordy and Mira. Neither of them really understands why they have to take three months off of school – I assured them that someday they might be more in favor of the idea, and that if I had it my way they’d be in school year-round.

In the meantime, summer camp is often the solution to the “what do I do with these kids when I still have to work?” problem, and both will be attending a day camp for most of the summer. This year we decided to be smart and send them both to the same summer camp, saving us from having to drive all over half of Columbus to take them each to camp every day.

Cordy and Mira will be in different age groups, and will likely not see much of each other during the day. This is a blessing for their teachers – no one wants to listen to those two bicker and tease each other all day. I have no doubt that Mira will march into her summer classroom and take command of it. When she’s not pretending to be shy, she’s a very outgoing little girl – she’s not the kid who cries at drop-off, but rather the one shoving us out the door. I never worry about that kid in new situations. I could drop her off in a biker bar and she’d be running the place by the end of the day, sporting a pretty new spiked collar she convinced some guy named Pitbull to give her.

On the other hand, I’m preparing for a lot of anxiety with Cordy. She’ll be in the older kids class this year, and will be required to do more on her own. For example, in the pre-camp letter, they explained that kids in her class will need to reapply their own sunscreen during the day. Reading that set off red-alarm sounds in my head. Cordy hates having sunscreen put on to begin with – whether it’s lotion or spray, the feel of it is a major sensory trigger. Having to actually touch it with her hands? That might send her over the edge. I’m already preparing an e-mail to the camp director to address these issues upfront so we can find a solution that won’t stress this kid out.

I fully expect it to be a good summer, though. I only wish camp would have started this week. Instead, it seems all camp programs in our area start next week, leaving a one week gap for parents to scramble for back-up babysitting. Or, if you’re me, selling your kids on the idea of a “movie day” where they can watch every Disney movie with bowls of plentiful snacks around them as long as they’re quiet and let mommy get some sleep on the couch after working the previous night.

(Before you call me out as a bad mom, it was just one day, and it wasn’t the most well-thought-out plan when it came to me getting any rest. Aaron took yesterday off so I could sleep, and my mom is keeping them entertained for the next two days. Sadly, I am not a supermom who can stay awake for 48 hours at a time – although it would be an awesome superpower to have.)

I don’t know how other working parents manage the gap. Do they have backup babysitters on speed-dial? Burn precious vacation days to stay home? Call in the extended family? Turn on PBS, leave out some Goldfish crackers and juice and set up a nanny cam to watch them from work? (Kidding on the last one. Think of all the calls you’d have to make to the answering machine when you see the kids getting into things they shouldn’t.)

By the end of this week Cordy and Mira will be begging to go to camp. And we’ll be happy to take them.

And then all will be right with the world again.

At least until August, when camp ends and there will be a two and a half week gap before school starts.

Better start looking for babysitters now.

Filed Under: being a mom, Cordy, Mira, school, the J-O-B


Jun 6, 2011

Plateau, For Better Or Worse

June 6, 2011 By

I had planned to write a post about how much I hate this plateau I’m stuck on. I spend each week putting so much effort into losing weight – tracking calories, staying under a set amount, exercising with a mix of strength training and cardio – that it’s really frustrating to step on the scale at the end of that week and see no change.

I’m so close to a goal weight and yet so far from it. Plateau must be French for torturous insanity.

Then I went shopping this weekend for a new pair of dress pants and a few new shirts. I still had my usual experience of hating nearly everything I tried on myself. But I also discovered I was comfortably wearing a size 10 in my pants. Not skin-tight, suck-in-to-button, but slightly snug with some room for movement.

There, in the dressing room at Kohl’s, I suddenly came to two realizations. First, that just because I’m not losing weight doesn’t mean my body isn’t changing. And second, when I look in the mirror, I still see the fat girl who used to be me.

The last time I was at 169 pounds, I didn’t comfortably fit in a size 10. I was usually a size 12, and occasionally a size 14 to some cruel-hearted designers.

So either Lee is trying to make me feel better about my weight through some generous vanity sizing, or these legs and hips are part of a 169 pound body that has more muscle than before.

Yes, I still have tree-trunk legs, they’re just firmer tree trunks.

Which brings me to my second realization. Losing weight doesn’t mean you automatically lose the self-loathing that can continue to weigh down the perception of how you see yourself.

In my case, my brain has turned the mirror into a funhouse mirror – I look into it and where I should see myself smaller and healthier, I instead only see fat and imperfection. I feel heavy. (Which of course begs the question: how in the world did I manage to move around when I was 50 pounds heavier? Or 80 pounds heavier?)

The most frustrating part is that I KNOW I’m smaller! I see the numbers on the scale, I can wrap the measuring tape around me and see inches gone, I can put on jeans that used to be tight but now fall off of me without unbuttoning…all of these are indisputable evidence of losing weight. So why do I still see the fat girl looking back at me?

Maybe a plateau isn’t such a bad thing. Maybe my body is giving my brain a chance to catch up and realize all I’ve accomplished?

Working on shedding the heavy self-image may be even harder than losing the physical weight, though. You don’t find nearly as many guides for that sort of thing – is there a diet for losing a negative self-image?  

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: ,