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Jan 25, 2011

The Pre-Conference Freak Out

January 25, 2011 By

The past few days I’ve been in pre-conference mode, scurrying around here and there trying to get everything in place before I leave for the Blissdom Conference in Nashville, Tennessee. This involves a lot of last minute personal prep, including hair cut, eyebrow wax, and wardrobe selection (aka: OMG I have NOTHING to WEAR!) as well as laundry, grocery shopping, and last minute checks to make sure the family will get by while I’m away.

Yes – I do trust my husband to keep things running while I’m gone. But if I can make it a little easier for him, I will. Because no matter how hard he tries, I know he’ll still have to encounter resistance from Mira, who will miss her mommy with the fire of a thousand suns and give him enough attitude to fill an entire preschool classroom. She loves her daddy, but Mira is totally mommy’s girl.

Although I will be sure to leave him a reminder list a mile long, too. Not because I don’t trust him, just because he’s not as neurotic as me. He doesn’t walk the house twice each night making sure every door is locked. Or make sure the fireplace is off after going to bed when he can’t remember for certain that he did turn it off. Or peek in on the girls to make sure they didn’t come up with some fire hazard in their room before going to sleep.

What? You mean all moms don’t do that?

Truthfully, I have far greater fears over the next few days. First, I’m terrified that I’m going to look awful at Blissdom. These conferences are filled with so many beautiful women, and it’s easy for me to get intimidated because 1. I have no sense of fashion and therefore am often under dressed, and 2. have no ability to apply makeup without making myself look like a clown. You’d think that after attending so many conferences I’d have this down by now, but alas, it’s not yet the case. (Although in my defense, I’ll add that I’m getting better at it!)

I’d say I’m also afraid of the intense social interaction coming my way, but that’s really not the case. Sure, I’ll still have a lot of social anxiety, but I do a great impression of looking calm on the outside when I’m nervous on the inside. Past conferences have helped me master my social anxiety, and other than a little bit of conference-ADD, I’m usually pretty good at striking up a conversation. Just don’t ask me to remember your name – I’m lousy at names.

But my greatest fear is having to get on a plane Wednesday morning. I’m completely breaking my own rules about flying for this year’s Blissdom. My rules for flying are simple: no flying anywhere I couldn’t drive in a reasonable amount of time. Reasonable usually includes anything in a 12 hour radius, sometimes 16 depending on how long I’ll be staying while I’m away. I have never liked flying, will never like it, and will always take any steps to minimize

Nashville is only a 6 hour drive, and I had every intention to drive it. Then I realized that driving it would require me to take another day off work. (And my vacation days are unpaid – that’s expensive!) And then I realized it costs $18 a day to park at Opryland, which combined with the gas to get there is also expensive. And THEN I saw that I could fly there for $49 each way – NOT expensive!

So I’m ashamed to say that the almighty dollar is apparently stronger than my convictions against flying. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Anyway, to those I’ll be seeing in Nashville – take pity on me if I look like a Midwestern rodeo clown, and I look forward to us having a great time. And to those I won’t be seeing at Blissdom – know that I wish you could all be there with me!

Filed Under: Blissdom, clearly insane, me me me


Jan 6, 2011

Resolutions Are For Quitters

January 6, 2011 By

Well, look at that. It’s 2011. And I totally missed out on the whole end-of-the-year wrap up and making resolutions for the new year. Good thing I didn’t resolve to be more timely with my posts, or I’d already be a failure.

Actually, I think it’s for the best if I don’t make any resolutions this year. After all, most resolutions end up forgotten or quietly swept under the rug before the after-Valentine’s Day chocolates clearance at Target, so why would I set myself up to be reminded that my life is too complicated and busy for lines drawn in the sand and declarations etched in stone?

That doesn’t mean I have no plans for this new year, though. Oh no, I’ve got a lot riding on this year, and I expect great things before Santa returns in 2011.

Last year I took the progress I had made towards a healthier me in 2009 forward to lose another 12 pounds and completely run my first 5K. This year is going to see that snowball keep a-rollin’ down that hill. I’d like to lose another 20 pounds and run more 5Ks, but honestly as long as the scale is at least a little lower by the end of the year and I’ve participated in at least 1 or 2 runs, I’ll still be happy.

In 2010 I changed jobs when it was clear my unit was soon to be eliminated, and I like my current position. I never imagined myself here, but now that I’m living it, I’m content to stay. This year I hope the company will agree with my desire to stay and upgrade me from a contractor to a permanent employee, with all of the benefits that go with that. *cough*healthinsurance*cough* We’re hoping 2011 will also be the year Aaron finds more permanent employment as well.

I completely failed at my resolution for work-life balance last year. It wasn’t going too bad until a work crisis erupted in early fall and I found myself working massive overtime (along with everyone else) to keep up with the crush of work. It was heartbreaking to go days without seeing my children for more than 30 minutes each day. And when I did see them, it was often over the top of my laptop screen. I should have put down the computer more, stopped checking work e-mail from home, and enjoyed more play time.

As I look around me and see others with their new babies, I’m reminded just how fast the time goes. I’ll admit I don’t want my children to grow up so quickly. I don’t know how Mira transformed from a toddler into a funny, potty-trained, opinionated preschooler. I can’t keep thinking that they’ll wait until I have time for them, because when that time comes I’m going to find they’ve continued to grow up – without my permission – and I didn’t notice. My girls are here with me now, at this moment in time, and I need to appreciate them for who they are in this moment.

2008 remains one of the worst years of my life. 2009 was somewhat of an improvement, and 2010 was better than 2009. If that upward trend can continue, then 2011 is looking mighty promising for me. Hopefully it’ll be promising for all of us.

So yeah, a lot of hopes and plans for 2011, but no firm resolutions. Less stuff. More love. Less stress and worry. More family experiences. Less me. More us. Learn more. Do more. Be healthier. Be more interesting. Be happier.

Live whole.

Filed Under: me me me, memories


Dec 17, 2010

Dear Santa

December 17, 2010 By

Hi Santa. I know you get a lot of requests this time of year, and many of them come from those far more in need than me. While my own two children are busy thinking up all of the toys and books they want you to bring them, I thought I might go ahead and put in a few requests of my own.

Santa, for Christmas this year I’d like the gift of time. As a busy mom of two who also works full-time, this seems to be the one thing I’m lacking the most in my life. I want more time to give my daughters the attention they so desperately need, and time to give my husband the attention he deserves. Too often I look back on a day and wonder why I didn’t get a single moment to focus all of my attention on each family member individually. It wouldn’t have to be a lot of time – just enough so that each of them knows how much they mean to me.

With more time I could also once again find joy in hobbies I’ve left behind, take better care of myself, and visit with friends I so rarely see. I’d use some of that time towards my work, too, thinking up new ways to make my job more efficient and more valuable.

I could even write more.

The next thing on my wish-list would be patience. You see, I’ve been good this year, Santa, but I’ll admit I’m far from perfect. Not having enough time has resulted in more stress, which too often manifests in a lack of patience towards everyone around me. I don’t want my daughters to have another year remembering their mother as that woman who looks over her laptop monitor at them and continues to work as they talk to her, or answers every question with, “Can you just wait a minute? Mommy’s busy,” or who won’t wait for them to do things that kids naturally take more time doing, like getting dressed or eating. I want to yell less and say “yes” more, allowing myself to move at their pace instead of my own hurried pace.

And Santa, if I can squeeze in one more gift I’d like for Christmas, it would be a two-fer gift. You know I hate feeling insecure – a need for security has been such a strong influence in my life – so I’d love to feel more financially secure in the next year. A permanent position with my job, health insurance, a permanent job for Aaron – that would be an awesome gift. But to go with that gift, I’d hope to receive a hefty dose of gratitude as well, so that I may appreciate what I’ve been given and be presented with opportunities to use those gifts to help others as well.

I know moms probably aren’t on the top of your list, Santa, but I hope you’ll consider my requests. If you can’t find such rare gifts, I’ll understand – after all, I do have a lot of good things in my life right now that are gifts I get to experience everyday. These wishes, however, would be totally better than any pony I might have wished for in years past. (Ahem…or every year from 5-10 years old.)

Thanks for your time, Santa. We’ll leave cookies and milk out for you as always.

Love,
Christina

PS – Just to be clear, Santa, I’d never turn down gift cards or a spa treatment, too, in case you were wondering.

Filed Under: holidays, me me me


Nov 10, 2010

Face the Truth

November 10, 2010 By

So I’ve noticed several bloggers are taking part in a 30 Days of Truth blog meme. It’s a nice way to give yourself 30 days of blogging prompts, and while I’m all about jumping on board that bandwagon, there’s no way I’m doing 30 in a row. That would be too much commitment and way too much emotional sludge for me to slog through at once. I’ll just do them here and there and hopefully get through all 30 before I forget what the remaining ones are.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself

They decided to start easy, didn’t they? I could write a book about all of the things I don’t like about myself. From my dull, flat hair, past my big nose and all the way down to my monster feet, I’m good at finding fault with myself.

But what I really dislike is my lack of social understanding. The more I look inward, the more I can begin to understand and accept that I have a daughter with autism. My daughter’s pediatrician even admitted she thought I had Asperger’s. And as Cordy gets older, I’m starting to see the awkward moments I suffered through as a child relived by her.

I’ve never been popular. I was always the kid on the outside, wishing I could understand how to do the “right” things to be liked by others. My interests were never popular interests. I had trouble being witty on the spot, and often missed the social cues that I wasn’t wanted in a group.

I was told I was a freak and a weirdo, and I was bullied and shunned all through school for being different. I tried so very, very hard to fit in, mimicking others yet never quite getting it right. I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong to never earn acceptance. I remember feeling suicidal more than once as a child and a teen, always confused about how I could be so amazingly smart in school but couldn’t figure out how to get people to like me.

As an adult, I’ve learned to blend in a little more, but I’ll admit I still don’t understand people. I’ve never figured out the secret to being popular, and sometimes it hurts that I know I’m rarely at the top of anyone’s list of people they like to hang out with. In public I make an effort to conceal some of my quirks.

When I’m funny, it’s generally on accident. (Ask our friend Baca about the scissors sometime. I made everyone in the room nearly suffocate from laughing so hard that day.) I suck at predicting how people will react to something.

I try to accept my geekdom, though. (The Big Bang Theory is one of my favorite TV shows and I understand nearly all of the humor on that show – Sheldon fans unite!) I’ll freely admit to strangers that I’m socially awkward at times, or that I need to drop out of a conversation quickly because I’m feeling overwhelmed. I know my brain doesn’t work the same as others and I’m not ashamed to admit it anymore. After all, I have a daughter with autism, and I want to make sure she doesn’t grow up thinking she’s a worthless freak like I did. Thankfully, being different is more accepted today than it used to be, but we still have a long way to go.

I’m sure it sounds like I’m being hard on myself, and I might be. There were kids who were just as unpopular as me in school. (A few possibly more unpopular.) But if I could change one aspect of myself, I’d love to be that person who can expertly navigate the world of popularity, winning friends and influencing people with ease, instead of the person on the edge of the social circle, wishing I knew how to be a little less awkward.

My personal anthem at the moment:

Filed Under: me me me, meme time, memories


Nov 3, 2010

Apple Thinks I’m a Mom-Blogger Thief

November 3, 2010 By
Last week I had a very pleasant surprise when I received an e-mail informing me that I was selected as a winner of an iPad from a drawing held at BlogWorld in Las Vegas. There was much celebrating in my house that night, for I’m never that lucky and especially not with a prize as big as an iPad.
A few days later, it arrived in the mail. I had already been reading up on features and apps I wanted to download, but I was waiting to see which model it was. I received the 16GB wifi model, which is a very nice product, but Aaron and I talked it over and decided that the 3G version of the device would be even more useful.

So yesterday I made the trip out to the Apple Store to upgrade my new precious to an even shinier model. I carried it into the store – still in the box it was mailed in – and took it up to the counter. I quickly met the eyes of an employee and put on my best smile to attract his attention. “Hi, I received this iPad as a prize when I went to a blog conference recently, and while I love it a lot, I’d really like to trade up to the 3G model.”

The man looked the box over carefully, reading the label, peeking inside to verify I did have an iPad in there and checking to see which model it was. “Oh, OK. Well, do you have the receipt for it?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, no. I received it as a prize. What you see here is all that came with it. But I can show you the e-mail they sent me.” I took out my iPhone and quickly pulled up the e-mail.

He looked closely at the screen. “Hmm…but it doesn’t have any receipt for purchase on it. Let me go find someone to help you with this.”

While he was away looking for a manager another store employee, who was standing there listening the entire time, took the iPad out of the shipping box and said he’d throw away the box for me.

The other employee came back with a manager, who told me without a receipt they couldn’t do an exchange. “We just don’t know where this iPad came from,” he explained, “It could have been purchased in a number of places, and we’re rather you return it to that place of purchase. A lot of our products are popular, and there’s a lot of theft, you know.”

I again explained that I received it as a prize and showed him the e-mail from the PR company who sent it to me, along with the shipping slip. I was confused at this point, and starting to feel like they thought I had stolen this iPad. “Your company makes the product. Why should it matter where it was bought? It’s still the same product. I don’t want any cash for it – I’m only asking to pay the extra money and upgrade to the 3G model.”

“Well, without the receipt, we can’t do anything for you here,” the manager responded. He then smiled and added, “But it’s a popular product, so you shouldn’t have any trouble unloading it some other way.”

Unloading it. Seriously? I hoped for a moment that maybe “unloading” was new hipster-speak for “finding a legitimate way to trade it in somewhere else” but quickly realized that they totally suspected me of stealing this iPad.

“I don’t want to sell it,” I insisted, “I want to USE it. But the 3G version would be more useful for me, so that’s why I’m trying to exchange it.”

“Well, we have to have some proof that the serial number on this model matches what was purchased. If you can produce a receipt with the serial number on it, then we can help you. Like I said, iPads are hot. I’m sure you won’t have any trouble unloading it.”

I was furious. I wasn’t angry about the exchange policy – if that’s their policy, fine. What I’m still angry about is the way I was treated. I don’t care how popular their products are – when I walk into their store, I expect to be treated with respect, not as an enemy.

From the moment I said I didn’t have a receipt, nothing else I said mattered to them. I was no longer a customer – I was a scammer. Forget the fact that I was planning to spend $130 to upgrade. Forget that I was likely to buy a case and other accessories to go with it. Even with an e-mail, a valid explanation and a shipping box showing where it came from, they couldn’t help me and could only suggest I turn to a reseller market to make a little cash off of it.

Oh, and about that shipping box: as soon as they made it clear they wouldn’t help me, I asked for the box back. The employee who originally helped me looked surprised as to why I wanted it back. “I’m not walking out of here holding an iPad box for all to see. It screams: ‘Mug me’ don’t you think?” They grudgingly found my box and gave it back to me. I packed everything back up and left.
When I got home, I took a closer look at the box. On the original label was the original sender’s address, which just happened to be Apple HQ. And there was an order number, which was a valid order number when I entered it on Apple’s website. Not to mention the iPad’s serial number was also on a sticker on the outside of the box. Yet the store employees refused to look for any evidence to back up my claim, and nearly threw out my proof.
I’ve experienced my share of bad customer service, but this trip to the Apple Store was one of the worst yet. I was made to feel ashamed, as if I was doing something illegal, just for wanting to exchange an unopened product for a more expensive one. It completely stripped away all of the excitement I had for the iPad.
I’m still unabashedly appreciative and grateful to the company who hosted the giveaway and randomly selected me as their winner. And I still hope to get the iPad upgraded to the 3G version somehow. With 3G, we can take it with us in the car or in other places that don’t have wifi, and I plan to load it up with apps for Cordy. There have been several apps designed for children with autism, and I’m hoping the iPad can be a tool for Cordy as well as a useful tool for me, too.
But I have absolutely no respect for Apple and their poor customer service at this point, and will tell my experience to anyone I meet.
I didn’t deserve to be treated like a thief.

Edited to add: After all that drama, it was suggested in the comments that I try Walmart. I took it to my local Walmart, and they let me exchange it with little hassle. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Apple could stand to learn a few lessons in customer service from Walmart.

Filed Under: me me me, rant Tagged With: