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Oct 25, 2010

Night Shift

October 25, 2010 By

I am the voice of calm in the middle of the night for many new moms.

When they’re up at 3am with a crying, fussy baby, I’m awake, too. I wait for them to call me, with their questions like Is this normal? and What am I doing wrong? I can hear the frustration and worry in their voices.

I go through my standard series of questions for them, quizzing them as much as they quiz me. Once I feel like I’ve gathered enough information, I give my best educated opinion on the issue. If they need to see their pediatrician, I tell them that upfront. If the situation warrants it, I provide suggestions and tips they may not have thought of. When possible, I share my knowledge with them so that they may be better educated.

The truth is, rarely are they doing something wrong. If anything, these parents who call in the middle of the night are only proving to me that they are dedicated, loving parents, looking for answers to provide comfort to their infants as well as peace of mind for themselves. Babies don’t have instruction manuals, and I’ve yet to meet two infants who are exactly alike. Life with a baby is a series of trial and error, and while that doesn’t always mean making mistakes, it often means having to make several adjustments until the right routine is found. (Wait. I think that applies to life with a child at any age…)

I never talk down to them. I remember being a first-time mom, too, wondering if “colic” was really doctor-speak for “ineffective parent” as I tried anything to soothe my screaming child. Had you talked to me at 3am on one of those long nights as I held my daughter while bouncing on an exercise ball, you might have thought I was out of my mind. The advice I give now is 3 parts nurse, with 1 part experienced mom thrown in for good measure.

Even though I’m no longer in a clinical, hands-on practice, each new caller provides me with a patient, and I give them as much attention and care as I would for someone I was working with in person. I want them to feel confident in their parenting skills, and I genuinely want their infant to be content and healthy.

Some have been kind enough to call back and give me updates on their children, even occasionally thanking me for a tip I provided or a few reassuring words that helped them through the night. I remember those moments when I deal with a difficult parent who doesn’t like the advice I’m giving and instead takes their frustrations out on me.

I sometimes hate the hours I work. It’s hard to stay awake all night and sleep all day, only to turn my schedule around on my two days off so I can spend time with my family. I miss sleeping in the same bed – at the same time – with my husband. It’s not all bad, though. I enjoy the stillness of the night. I like the quiet office. And those middle-of-the-night calls, by weary, sleepless parents, are often some of the most rewarding.

I’m a phone triage night nurse, and if you need me at 3am, I’m here and ready to help.

(This post is totally at the request of nicurnmama, who insisted I write a little bit about my job, even if I can’t go into a lot of detail for privacy reasons.)

Filed Under: me me me, the J-O-B


Oct 5, 2010

Down but Not Out

October 5, 2010 By

There are times when everything is going great in my life, and I can’t wait to write out all of the good here on my blog.

Then there are times when I’m frustrated, or something isn’t going the way I’d like, and I turn to this blog to vent or get advice.

And then there are times like the last two weeks, when life hands me a body blow – body blow – uppercut TKO and I’m left sprawled out on the mat faster than you can say Mike Tyson’s Punchout.

Right after Cordy’s birthday, my job went from your normal 8 hour job to a crazy mess. Overtime was strongly encouraged and soon I was only working – sometimes sleeping and sometimes eating – with the rest of my life simply put on hold. I was happy to help out in the situation, because we really needed everyone to give everything they had, but it quickly wore me down.

At the same time, Mira was also in the middle of a strange stomach virus. She had vomited the week before, then went a few days without eating much, then vomited three times in one night. Lather, rinse, and repeat the entire pattern two more times, and we’re left wondering what kind of virus can skip a few days and come back again. It also took away my chances at more sleep, meaning I’ve been extremely underslept for the past two weeks. One night was bad enough that I was sure I was hearing voices and hallucinating.

Then, just because a work crisis and a sick child weren’t enough, I developed the stomach virus as well, although mine was more of the single 48-hour variety. But in that 48 hours I purged everything from my digestive system and developed a strong aversion to food. It took several days for me to gain the ability to eat more than a few bites of food at a time, which was a shame considering my work was provided gorgeous meals for everyone working overtime that I couldn’t enjoy.

Add in a broken water heater, a three year old who cut her own hair on one side only, a headlight out on the car, and one aggressive school nurse threatening to pull Cordy out of school if we didn’t get her vaccinations updated ASAP, and I was starting to think it would be easier to stop trying to get up every time the karma bus ran me over and just lay there instead.

Everything else was in stasis for the week. We used any clothing we could find for the girls because I didn’t have time for laundry, other than laundry that involved puke. Pizza and fast food were regular meals for the family. I would often turn the TV on and nap on the couch when the girls got home from school. And I haven’t ran or exercised in any way since the March of Dimes 5K. Internet? Ha. I barely knew what was going on in the world.

There has been some good in the past two weeks, though. Seeing everyone at work pull together to get the job done has been inspiring. Aaron has a temp job – where I work, actually – helping out with all of the little extras that need done during this crisis. Cordy read every one of her birthday cards this year, impressing everyone with her previously hidden reading talents. And Mira…well…Mira only cut ONE side of her hair. You could call it a fashionable asymmetrical look.

What energy or personality I possessed was ruthlessly drained from me in the past two weeks, and I’m now desperately trying to pull myself back together and refuel my life force with small servings of Facebook, Twitter, cuddling on the couch with my family, and phone calls with friends and family.

Things are slowly going back to normal. Slowly. There is still a lot of overtime expected at work, but I got to sleep 8 hours this weekend. And do a couple loads of laundry. I got to spend more than a couple of hours with my husband and children, when we were all awake and no one was sick. It was short-lived, and I’m back to only sleeping and working, but I know those peaceful moments will be back again soon.

And I’m slowly inching my way back out into being social again.

Hope you haven’t forgotten about me. I’ve been here the entire time, missing my blog, my friends, and my leisure time. Life should get back to normal soon (whatever normal might be), and as it does nothing will get in my way of getting back to what I love.

Filed Under: clearly insane, fate laughing at me, me me me, plague, the J-O-B Tagged With:


Aug 13, 2010

Social Media Introduces, BlogHer Unites

August 13, 2010 By

Disclaimer: if you didn’t attend BlogHer, I apologize in advance for the love fest about to follow. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t special to me, too. You just need to live closer.
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I think that not only do I need a disclaimer to my BlogHer recap every year, but I also need my own personal disclaimer when I return from BlogHer. Something like Disclaimer: Expect me to be moody, pouty, low-energy and have at least one explosive crying fit post-BlogHer. Placate with kind words and chocolates for one week until back to normal.

Because honestly? After spending several days with friends – many of whom I only get to see once a year – I’m often hit with a mild depression when it’s over and I have to return to my normal life.

This year, on the last day of BlogHer, I sent out a tweet that simply stated: “I don’t want to go back to my real life tomorrow. I like my virtual life & friends too much. #BlogHer10” 

Soon after, one of my twitter followers responded with, “@mommystory That’s kind of a sad commentary on social media.”

I was puzzled. Clearly he didn’t get it, and it forced me to think about what I had written and why I felt that way.

It wasn’t a sad commentary on social media at all. Instead, it was a sparkly, shining example of the good that can be found in social media, all brought together in one conference.

My “real life” is filled with a lot of ordinary, with a smattering of extraordinary here and there. I do a lot of mundane tasks each day: I go to work, I do chores, I drive my kids to and from activities, I buy groceries, etc. I don’t get the chance to talk to representatives of major corporations or government agencies on a regular basis. When I buy my groceries at Kroger, the cashier doesn’t care what I think of the store’s expansion of their organic section. I doubt my daughter’s school principal will want to make a video of me sharing my views of the district’s special needs program to then present to the superintendant.

But with social media, my little voice is given a megaphone to be heard loud and clear, and no louder than at BlogHer, where companies and bloggers come together. I was interviewed by three huge companies at BlogHer this year (two of the videos are online), and had the chance to speak with several more. My feedback (along with that of other bloggers) a few years ago helped guide a company to create a better product that they presented to us last year at BlogHer. When Aaron was laid off in 2008 and we found ourselves without health insurance, CNN contacted me and our story was one of several that would be an early warning of what was to become the recession.

Our voices do have power, especially when used together. At home I may be a shy nurse, going back and forth to work and quietly raising my daughters in Columbus, Ohio, but with social media I have the opportunity to yell and be heard around the world. I am a smart person with good ideas (not trying to brag, I swear) and my voice shouldn’t be limited to Columbus, Ohio. With social media, it doesn’t have to be.

As for missing my “virtual” friends, I’ll just say that it’s very possible to miss someone you see once a year just as much as someone you see every day. In my “real life” I do have a few best friends and several other good friends that I share many interests with. But the majority of my real life connections are based primarily on geography. The pool of potential friends and acquaintances is limited by distance and location.

I grew up in a small Ohio town and making friends in my early years was terribly hard. I had little in common with my classmates and just didn’t fit in. But what could I do? There weren’t that many other kids my age, leaving me with a couple of friends who had some shared interests and otherwise a class full of people who simply didn’t understand me.

Online, though? My social net is so, so wide. You can bet that I’m going to find other moms who understand what it’s like to have a child on the spectrum and who also have a love of showtunes and Lady Gaga. (And maybe have even dressed up in renaissance clothing, too.) The pool of like-minded (or at least complimentary) individuals is exponentially larger. I can find my tribe beyond the boundaries of city limits and miles.I now have friends in California, Florida, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Canada and everywhere in-between.

When I’m at BlogHer and can’t make it across the lobby of the hotel in under an hour because I keep running into people I love, I’m reminded of how thankful I am to social media for introducing me to these intelligent, interesting and strong women (and a few men). The hugs I gave out were absolutely genuine and from the heart. I treasured each spontaneous conversation I participated in, soaked in my time strolling New York with women I usually only see through a computer screen. When my schedule forced me elsewhere, I felt awful saying goodbye to whoever I was with, worried that we wouldn’t get another chance to chat that weekend.

It didn’t matter that we met online – in person we were like old friends, completely comfortable with each other with no pretense of formality. After all – we’ve already bared our souls on our blogs, right? If anything, this was a chance to deepen friendships, sharing personal stories that are too personal even for our blogs. And once those connections are made – sharing love, heartache, tragedy, hopes, fears – you don’t want to let go.

So yeah, I didn’t want to leave BlogHer. I didn’t want to put down that megaphone. And I didn’t want to leave good friends behind with only the hope that we would see each other again soon – maybe next month if they live in or near Ohio, maybe at another conference, maybe next year or longer.

I only wish I could find a way to merge my virtual life into my real life, but I doubt I can put up a good enough argument for everyone to move to Ohio. These voices, these personalities – who would want to leave them all behind?

So maybe my twitter follower misunderstood me. I do love my friends and family in my “real life” and I’m glad to be back to some of my routine (not the chores, that’s for sure), but four days is not enough time to cram a year’s worth of opportunity and friendship into face-time.

It was an awesome BlogHer. And I can’t wait to see all of you again soon.

Photo credit: Jenna Hatfield

  Photo credit: Michelle Lane

 (and everyone else I didn’t get photos with!)
Filed Under: BlogHer10, me me me Tagged With: ,


Jul 9, 2010

Losing My Hind

July 9, 2010 By

Those of you who follow me on Twitter or Facebook may know that I started working out again. And while I had a blast with Hot by BlogHer last year, I wanted to create a more year-round space to document my attempts at good health and losing weight. I haven’t said much about it yet because I wasn’t exactly posting much, and was fighting with myself over how much I wanted to share. Truth is, I need to share this kind of stuff – it helps me keep going.

So if you like reading about more than my two adorable children, be sure to check out Losing My Hind. There’s even a juicy new post today about what a head case I am when it comes to physical activity.

Filed Under: clearly insane, healthy living, me me me


Jun 14, 2010

Missing: One Blogger’s Personality. Reward If Found.

June 14, 2010 By

So, um…yeah.

I’ve had several posts about the kids lately, but what about me?

Hmmm…yeah, what about me?

Truth is, I’ve been stumbling through every day, thinking only as far ahead as the next time I get to sleep and generally not much further than that. When times get tough, I tend to retreat inwards and shell-up, and while times aren’t exactly tough at the moment, my turtle senses apparently have been activated.

I can’t write about work. The nature of my work prevents me from sharing much about it, other than to say I really do enjoy it and have talked to some amazing new parents on the phone. I’ve done a lot of reassuring and a lot of educating, and I hope my words will help these parents find confidence in their own abilities to care for their newborns.

Other than work, my life is kind of lacking at the moment. My spare time is spent sleeping and spending a little time with my family while downing Pepsi Max to keep me awake. Aaron is still unemployed, so I also help him job hunt. When I have time to sit down, I’m zoning out to Netflix or knitting or just reading along with conversations on Twitter and Facebook, unable to find anything to add to the conversation.

How did I become so boring? I don’t even find myself interesting at the moment, so why in the world would I expect you to find me so?

I don’t think I’m depressed – I think I’m just short on time and energy. And I know that lack of time and energy affects my friendships, both online and in person. I’ve yet to figure out how to have it all and do it all, and admire those I know that make it look effortless. I can’t even handle working full-time and remembering to feed the kids – how do others manage to work, keep a clean house, take care of kids AND nurture all of the relationships around them?

Blogging is all about making connections, and I’ve started to feel like my limited availablity has strained some of those connections. Honestly, how hard is it to write a damn e-mail to say hi to people now and then? Surely I can do that much, right? I’ll be at BlogHer, though, and I’m determined to renew some of those connections and friendships, even if it means taking the big step of admitting I’m a lousy friend and apologizing for all of the internet silence of late.

Actually, I’m hoping that while at BlogHer I’ll find the real Christina again. I think she got left behind at BlogHer in Chicago last year, and I’m hoping that she’s resourceful enough to find her way to New York City by early August. I’m not expecting to find her at any private parties or swag suites – after all, this blog’s market value has fallen faster than California real estate prices – but I do expect to find her talking and listening and hugging old friends and greeting new ones and learning from others and sharing what little she knows to benefit others and running with women who helped motivate her to be better and simply enjoying the people she’s surrounded by. (Including way more than I have time to even link here.)

If you see the real me at BlogHer, be sure to say hi to her. I guarantee she’ll be more interesting than this poor excuse for a post. And then remind her that despite all of the challenges of work and family, her ability to craft a good story and be a friend to those around her is desperately needed at home.

Filed Under: me me me