Christina, Author at A Mommy Story

Mar 24, 2009

Trust vs. Mistrust

March 24, 2009 By Christina

In our couples counseling yesterday, our therapist diverted away from the primary topic and asked me, “You don’t have a lot of faith in people, do you?” That was an easy answer: no, I don’t. The harder question to answer is, “What has happened to you over your life to make you not trust others?”

I’m a mistrustful person by heart, sadly. Being burned many times over throughout my life, especially by those I thought to be loved ones, has taught me to hold myself at arms reach from others, questioning all motives and locking my gaze of inquisition on people until they are proven trustworthy.

Even when I was a child I learned not to expect anyone’s trust. Family members and friends let me down, or used words against me, or broke their word to keep secrets. Others forced me to keep secrets that I didn’t want to know in the first place. Several people were repeat offenders, and yet because they were close to me I continued to try trusting them, thinking that maybe this time would be different, although it never was. I only wish I could share those stories.

As a teenager, I was already more wary of people. I kept my thoughts to myself at first, waiting until friendships were well-formed before truly placing any trust in the person. But more often than not, those “friends” would quickly sell me out if something – or someone – better came along. During my high school graduation all I could think about was how happy I would be to get out of that town.

One friend borrowed things from me all the time, and then the one time I asked for something back, taking it off her nightstand, she said it was hers and accused me of trying to steal something that wasn’t mine. (Wha??) The guys I dated in high school and college? Nearly all cheated on me.

I’m not saying that everyone I’ve ever met has been untrustworthy. There were some nice people in high school. I have some very good friends who I could turn to for anything, as well as some family members who are the first I call when I need an ear.

As usual, the bad stands out more than the good, and those first reactions I learned from years of conditioning have taught me that most people will smile to your face and then laugh at you behind your back. I don’t like to immediately think that, but I was bitten far more than once to make me shy.

Which then leads me to ask: why do I blog? Why should I put myself out there for all to see, sharing thoughts I never say out loud, when I would never do it in person?

Well, at first I didn’t share too much about myself. The blog was mainly about the frustrations and joys of being a new parent – something anyone could relate to. But slowly I began sharing more of myself, and those teasing glimpses have led to my desire to run streaking through my blog, my thoughts naked for all to see.

You could say that blogging is my personal social experiment. Anyone could be reading this blog, but on the other hand, no one could be reading. I’m opening up before entirely trusting the reader partially because it is impossible to trust everyone passing through. I guess I’m teaching myself to be more of an open book, letting everything that has been trapped inside me out. It feels good.

And I’m learning that there are even more great people out there. Sure, trolls still exist and they’re a minor annoyance, but I can’t imagine not sharing most of me with many of you.

Hey, it’s far cheaper than even more therapy, right?

————–
And speaking of sharing most of me, please click over to Hot by Blogher and see how much my figure has changed in 22 days thanks to the 30 Day Shred and diet. I’ve lost only 5 pounds, and didn’t think I’d see much of a change until the photo proof was in front of me!

Family members are once again reminded that they should probably not follow that link, because there are photos of me in a sports bra, and you have to see me in person again someday. It’s better for all of us.

Filed Under: me me me, memories Tagged With: idiots

Mar 22, 2009

Brown Thumb To Green-ish Thumb

March 22, 2009 By Christina

Did you see the story about Michelle Obama planting a vegetable garden on the White House grounds this week? It’s the first time they’ve had a garden since the Roosevelt victory garden, and they plan to use the food they grow in the White House kitchens, donating any extra to a nearby soup kitchen.

With the recession hitting everyone hard, it only makes sense to start growing some of our own food. We have a large backyard, Aaron and I are both home all the time (thanks, unemployment), and with trying to lose weight and shape up, we’re all eating more vegetables and fruits. It makes sense that a garden will save us money, while also teaching Cordy and Mira about the process of growing plants and reducing our carbon footprint, even if only slightly.

I know what you might be thinking – Christina is the least likely person to keep a plant alive – and you’re right. I did a great job at killing my pepper plants last summer. I’m still amazed society has let me keep pets and have children. But I’ve been practicing! I bought this little strawberry pot at Target in February, and look! They’re still alive!

Pleeeeeze don’t kiiiillllll ussss!!!

It also helps that my mom, aunts and grandmother are champion gardeners. Not sure how I missed that segment of DNA, but even the talentless can be taught, right?

So the plan is to have an 8’x8′ garden. I can’t have corn, because that’s too tall for growing in our planned neighborhood. If the HOA won’t allow 6′ fences, I doubt they’ll allow 6′ corn stalks. But I do want to plant lettuce, spinach, cucumbers, sweet peppers, broccoli, carrots and zucchini. OK, it’s a little ambitious, but I tend to go all-in on a new project.

My mom grows a ton of tomatoes each year, so I can get those from her. I don’t like tomatoes on their own, but I wouldn’t mind trying to make my own pasta sauce this year. (Who the hell is typing this? Have I been possessed by Martha-freakin’-Stewart?)

If we’re lucky, and believe me, it’ll take a lot of luck, we’ll cut our grocery bill. Our house will be a little greener for it as well – the garden will produce oxygen (remember photosynthesis in 3rd grade science?) and we’ll make fewer trips to the grocery, using less gas.

I can’t wait to get started, although I am a little nervous. To all the green-thumb garden wizards out there – have any advice for a novice gardener?

Parent Bloggers and SC Johnson (makers of Nature’s Source cleaners) want to know how you’re living more naturally now. Visit the blog blast and see how other bloggers are greening up their homes, too.

Filed Under: daily life, domestic zero

Mar 22, 2009

Three Times Now

March 22, 2009 By Christina

Our car was broken into last night.

Actually, broken into isn’t quite the phrase. Nothing was broken. It seems that someone forgot to lock the car door – an extremely rare event with me, Queen of the Double-Checked Locks residing at this home – and on that particular night it just so happens that someone was walking through the neighborhood checking to make sure everyone locked their car doors.

Yeah, whatever. I don’t think the odds of it happening were really all that low.

Truth is, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone is walking through our neighborhood double checking door locks every single night. You’d think we lived in the wild west, and not a middle-class suburban subdivision. But this is becoming a way of life around here.

When we first moved here (we were the second completed house on our block), our car was broken into in that literal-smashed-window kind of way. Sort of a welcome to the neighborhood, if you will. We began leaving the front lights on all night to dissuade nocturnal visitors.

Then in 2006, just days before I went to my first Blogher conference, we came home late one afternoon to find our living room window smashed, our entire home rifled through, and everything of value gone. At that point we installed a security system and took extra care to keep everything under lock and key.

And now another car was looted. I’ll be the first to admit that an unlocked car is just asking for someone to open the door, but in the hundreds of days our cars have sat in our driveway, only one night (to my knowledge) has the door been unlocked.

Thankfully, Aaron had recently cleaned the car (read: removed a lot of junk), so there was little of value to be found. Some spare change and a dead cell phone from 4 years ago is all they took we think. And extra thankfully, Aaron’s iPod and wallet were not in the car. He occasionally forgets them, although I think this served as another wake up to check all locks and remove all valuables before exiting the vehicle. (See? I told you I was the Queen of double-checking locks.)

And while I am grateful little was taken, I’m again left feeling angry. Three thefts in four years. The people who do this give me little hope in mankind. Even though I know of so many good people who go out of their way to help others, I’m left to dwell on those who choose to steal from anyone they can, taking away what others have earned instead of earning it themselves.

But beyond the physical items, the greatest thing stolen was my own feeling of security. I’m left wondering if there is anywhere one can truly be safe anymore? I hate feeling like I can’t hold tight enough to everything that matters to me because there are people waiting in the shadows to rip it all away the first moment I loosen my grip.

Call me a Pollyanna if you must, but why can’t everyone just be good to each other?

(And now I must go double check all of the locks on the doors before going to bed.)

Filed Under: daily life, rant Tagged With: idiots

Mar 20, 2009

Haiku Friday: Physical Challenge

March 20, 2009 By Christina

I never thought I
would say this, but I think I’m
liking exercise

Years of groaning at
silly aerobics workouts
have now been replaced

The change? Finding a
group for motivation and
the right exercise

Running hurts my knees
And most videos have a
way too perky gal

Jillian Michaels
is my new hero – she can
kick my ass anytime

I’ve always hated exercise. The sweat, the ache, the huffing and puffing, and did I mention the sweat? Yuck. Add silly workout instructors to the mix, or boring machines where you walk or pedal to nowhere, and I’d rather exercise my fingers on my computer keyboard than even think about marching in place or Jazzercise.

But I finally think I’m getting the hang of this. Blond, perky fitness models do nothing to inspire me, and weight lifting is far more interesting to me than stepping up and down on a step bench to nowhere. I need a trainer who is no nonsense. I also must have other people to share the ordeal with.

Aaron has been working out with me this month, and while I thought it would be awkward, it’s actually very motivating to encourage each other to keep going. I’m also loving the support of the Shredheads group and my new Hot by BlogHer team.

In three weeks, I’ve lost weight, improved my cardio endurance, and I can see new muscle developing. And for once I feel that my body and I are working in unison. Here’s hoping this new habit sticks.

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON’T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!

Filed Under: me me me Tagged With: Hot by Blogher

Mar 19, 2009