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Mar 10, 2009

The Fountain of Youth

March 10, 2009 By

Over the weekend, Aaron and I left Columbus to celebrate our 6th anniversary. It’s still a little odd for me to think that only six years ago, Cordy wasn’t even a concept in our heads yet. Of course, six years ago I never thought any of what I’m doing now – blogging, nursing school – would be in my life.

Six years didn’t have quite the impact that five did, probably because our sixth year of marriage was one of those years we’d like to quietly forget. Job loss, no health insurance, relationship issues and marriage therapy clouded much of the year. But we’re still together, we’re relatively healthy, and we’re doing our best to hold everything together – that’s our silver lining.

The best part of getting out of town was leaving the kids with Camp Grandma. We spent most of the weekend chatting with friends that we rarely get to see due to distance and busy lives. On Saturday evening, after a day of relaxing with friends, the two of us left for dinner at a nice restaurant.

It was during dinner that Aaron told me, “We need to do this more often, get away without the kids.”

I smiled and said, “Well, that would certainly be nice…”

He then said, “I was watching you today while you talked with friends, and you looked five years younger.”

I laughed. “It must have been the light.”

“No, really. You looked so much younger again.”

It seems that a single afternoon with a large group of friends, no children, and no immediate stress somehow subtracted five years from my face. I can’t prove this, of course, but he was certain of it.

I’d like to believe I did look younger. I often miss the “old” me, the me who isn’t spending all her time worrying about doing everything right for her kids, making sure all the bills are paid, and trying to balance the checkbook. I hate the person I am at the end of the day, when my eyes are dull and bloodshot, and the bags under my eyes have bags of their own. When I’m short with Cordy and Mira, grumpy around Aaron, and wishing I could get five minutes – just FIVE minutes – to myself, without someone needing something or a child sitting in my lap.

If the fountain of youth is an escape from what stresses you, I know I will never have eternal youth. Because no matter how much I might want it, my children need me here and not at that fountain. I can’t avoid paying the bills, and the checking account won’t replenish itself.

But I will enjoy those brief moments pausing at that fountain, if only to take a sip and renew my spirit for a little while.

Filed Under: Aaron, me me me, more than parents


Mar 6, 2009

Haiku Friday: Suckitude

March 6, 2009 By
Haiku Friday
Remember this post?
Well, things have now changed and I’m
not happy at all.

I’ve been switched to a
med-surg floor for adults with
no explanation.

Adult nursing is
fine, but it’s not at all what
I want for a job.

Without specific
experience, a NICU
job is hard to get.

I really hate writing two downer posts in a row, but ever since I read the e-mail from the instructor who handles clinical assignments, it’s all I can focus on. One month ago she told me I had a special care nursery preceptor, and now she says that it’s not available and so she automatically stuck me with a general med-surg preceptor.

I hate to complain, but somehow I’ve drawn the short straw for nearly all of my clinical experiences while others had great locations. I can’t even describe this quarter’s experience – no one wants to hear something that gross.

I was looking forward to my final quarter. Now I’m dreading it and wondering how I’ll find a NICU nursing position when students from other schools who want the same thing will likely have more experience in the area.

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON’T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!

Filed Under: Haiku Fridays, me me me, rant, school


Mar 4, 2009

Grumpy

March 4, 2009 By

There are some days that no matter how hard I try to shake it, I can’t get over feeling grumpy. Today? One of those days for sure.

First, it was pretty much confirmed for me today that Aaron’s contract job is gone. On Sunday he found out that the contract ended two days before. Last week he was told the contract had been extended into April. But the company changed its mind and told his manager on Friday that they were shutting down the (still not complete) project.

This abrupt ending has me frazzled as I now need to reassess our finances and go back to full-out survival mode on an unemployment check income. I’ve been building a cushion with the income we’ve had the past few months, so I’m not freaking out with worry, but throwing off my financial plans makes me…grumpy.

And then in the mail today, I received a change of terms from our credit card company. You may have heard about American Express offering some clients $300 to close their accounts, or other credit card companies handing out gift cards in exchange for paying off accounts and closing them? Well, this company (*cough*CapitalOne*cough*) decided to go a different, less friendly, route to shore up its financial situation by raising the interest rate on our always-current, long-standing account from a fixed 8.9% to 17.9%!

The letter even explains that we’ve done nothing wrong – the only reason for the change is “extraordinary changes in the economic environment.” We may not have any income, but we do still have excellent credit, so seeing our interest rate nearly double on a balance that I now cannot wait to pay off entirely makes me…grumpy.

Tonight I’m going to take my frustrations out by doing the 30 day shred again. It’s better than spooning my way to the bottom of a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

In the meantime, if you’ve got a link to something funny, I’m really looking for a little humor right now.

Grumpy.

—————-

Edit: I’m still looking for laughs, but I did remember one thing that always cheers me up. This guy never gets old.

Filed Under: daily life, rant, the J-O-B


Mar 2, 2009

Pushing My Spanx to the Limit

March 2, 2009 By

I stepped on the scale for the first time in months, and the number made me wonder if gnomes were secretly feeding me lard while I slept. How did I gain ten pounds?

As you know, in January I tried the Jillian Michaels: 30-Day Shred DVD, and the first attempt left me so crumpled and sore that I couldn’t even roll over in bed without wincing for nearly a week. I seriously wondered if only insane people did this workout, because me? I’m no good at it.

It took over a week before I attempted the DVD again. But I did eventually dig out the disc from behind the TV (where I threw it while cursing Jillian Michaels’ name) and gave it another go. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel so bad afterward. I was sore the next day, but it wasn’t the same kind of crippling soreness I had before. Maybe I can do this after all?

Seeing the number on the scale now motivates me even more to jump back on that water- and vegetable-filled wagon. After all, I don’t want to pop a seam in my Spanx at BlogHer this year.

(Oh yeah, if you didn’t already know – I’m now registered for BlogHer 09!)

To aid in motivation, I’m bringing back Hot by BlogHer, but it’s going to be BIGGER! and BETTER! with group challenges and its own blog and maybe giveaways. Expect to see more info on it by next week, and start thinking of what you want to look like by July.

Also, since I’m already doing “the shred” once a week, it makes sense for me to join in with Kristen’s Shredheads group. They’re doing the 30 Day Shred for all of March. While I’m only going to be a part-timer, I’m still all about sharing in the support and motivation.

Here is the data that I need to provide to be a shredhead:

Code Name: Spanx Mama

Before pictures: I value my readers too much to post my before photos here. Springing that visual on you without proper warning would surely lead to mass unsubscribing. But if you really want to see, look here and here. (Remember, I warned you!)

Tag Line: Hot by Blogher, baby!

Weight: Here’s what the scale said last night.


Remember the camera adds a few pounds. In this case, it really does add two – I was holding the camera while weighing in.

Goal: Increase my endurance, have more muscle definition, lose weight, and look great in a cocktail dress at BlogHer.

Diet Plan: Less intake, better intake. I’m already eating between 1600-2000 calories a day, and trying to cut back on high fat and high sugar foods and substitute more veggies and lean proteins.

Personal Rules: No freaking out if I eat a big meal, no defeatest attitude, substitute more water in place of diet soda.

Shred Plan: I’m a part-timer, doing it once a week on Level 1 at the moment. I might bump it up to twice a week soon. I’m already doing a different 30 min. workout four times a week also.

You can join up at Kristen’s site, I’ll Stop the World and Shred With You. And if you’re interested in Hot by BlogHer, check back here next week!

Filed Under: clearly insane, me me me, pop culture Tagged With:


Feb 28, 2009

Not Everyone Has An Easy Start

February 28, 2009 By

I have to admit that both of my girls had a fairly easy time with birth. Cordy was a scheduled c-section during the 38th week because she was determined to never come out and had arranged herself in such a way to guarantee that. She was unaware that doctors could forcibly remove her by surgery. I still remember how pissed off she was at being dragged out into the cold air, and I’m not sure she’s ever completely forgiven us for that.

Mira was an extremely uncomplicated birth, other than the fact that she waited a full week past the due date to make her appearance.

I’m lucky that both of my girls were born healthy, requiring no assistance in breathing or feeding. Some aren’t so lucky, though, and have to fight much harder for their place in this world.

If you haven’t met Mama Spohr (Heather) yet, you should really take the time to go read her blog. She has a beautiful little girl named Maddie who had a very rough start to life. Maddie was born at 28 weeks after Heather had been on bedrest for 19 weeks because of pregnancy complications.

Heather had PPROM, which is an acronym for Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes, which is medical-speak for premature baby coming now – NOT GOOD. Maddie was rushed to the NICU when she was born, where the medical team fought to keep her alive. At times her lungs would rupture with tiny holes, forcing air into her chest cavity. The slightest touch could overstimulate her and send her heart rate plummeting downward. (Note: I’ve seen this happen in the NICU – it’s amazing how strong yet delicate preemies are!)

More than once Heather was told her daughter would not survive. But thanks to a well-trained team, a state-of-the-art NICU, and of course Maddie’s strong-willed spirit, she’s here today.

One reason I agreed to be a March of Dimes Mom is that I stand firmly behind the research and advances they have helped make happen. There was a time when nothing could be done to save a baby when the mom suffered a PPROM, and preemies under 32 weeks had a small chance at survival. Now NICU doctors and nurses are saving babies born at 23 weeks gestation. As the technology improves, outcomes will improve also, and hopefully fewer babies will be born too soon.

Heather is participating in the March of Dimes March for Babies on April 25 in Los Angeles. She’s already done an amazing amount of fundraising, and at this very moment is only $140 away from her $2000 goal. To help get more donations, she’s giving away an all-in-one printer and Kodak digital camera – every dollar donated counts as one entry. Her contest ends tonight, but you can still donate beyond today, too.

I want to see her surpass her goal. This money goes directly to help fund research so children like Maddie get that help they need to survive. And even if you don’t have the money to spare, check out her blog and cheer her on, OK?

Filed Under: big issues, love, mom blogs, people who don't suck