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Aug 25, 2011

Be Proud!

August 25, 2011 By

Yesterday was Cordy’s first day of first grade. We visited her school the day before that to help prepare her for what was to come. She saw her special needs teacher and reacquainted herself with the classroom. Then we went down the hall to meet her first grade teacher and tour the room.

Cordy was shown where her desk is in her new classroom, as well as where to hang her bag and where the computers were located. (The computers were of highest importance to her, of course.) She noticed her name was left off of a list of names on the chalkboard, and promptly asked her teacher to correct the error.

Then yesterday came, and Cordy picked up her loaded backpack for her first bus ride of the year. There were no tears or hesitation – she happily jumped on the bus and kissed Aaron and I goodbye.

And then I waited, hoping for no call from the school.

To my relief, the phone remained silent. Cordy arrived home in the late afternoon, looking far less put together than she did that morning, and clearly tired from a busy first day.

Beautifully disheveled

I tried to get information out of her about how her day went, but of course she refused to cooperate, only stating that it was “some good, some not so good” and ignoring my more detailed questions. Not knowing the real story, I could only hope that the day went well for her.

After dinner, I then saw an email from her special needs teacher, with the subject of “Be Proud!!!” The detailed story of the day was that Cordy did very well in her first grade classroom. She had an aide with her for most of the day, and required some prompting to get started with tasks, but she completed all of her work and remained in the class all day. Even when the aide wasn’t in the classroom, she held her own.

I’m incredibly proud of her, of course. I’m thrilled she had a great first day and hope she continues to impress and amaze her teachers throughout the year. I may never know what’s fully going on in her mind, but I’m so thankful she’s coming out of her little world to share her bright personality with all of us.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, love, school


Aug 19, 2011

After the Event: Staying Motivated

August 19, 2011 By

It wasn’t hard to remain motivated to watch my food intake and exercise in July. Knowing that BlogHer was around the corner kept me in line – I wanted to look my best when presenting myself to so many people.

At the conference, I ate and drank whatever I felt like having – it was a special occasion, and so I felt no need to count calories or worry about gaining weight. I’ve always had the philosophy that one day (or even a few days) cannot do that much damage, especially if you aren’t stuffing yourself to the point of feeling sick. I kept my portions in check at the conference, and for all of that food I didn’t gain a single pound while in San Diego.

But now that I’m home? Motivation is harder to find. I arrived home to a stressful situation of having my children home during the day while I needed to sleep, thanks to summer camp ending two weeks before school starts. (Not cool, summer camps. Not cool at all.) Plus I had plenty of work to catch up on. Add to that a slight depression at returning to my “real life” of responsibilities and work, and healthy living has become the last thing on my mind.

It’s been two weeks now. While I haven’t thrown all of my healthy habits out the window, I haven’t exercised in these two weeks, and I’ve eaten more than I probably should of foods I really don’t need. I’m still motivated by a goal of being healthy and feeling my best. But the external motivator of BlogHer is gone and there’s no external motivator in my near future.

I’ve scheduled a boot camp class for this Saturday. Hopefully my trainers still remember who I am after this break. And hopefully they won’t think I can do exactly what I could at the end of July – I’m a little frightened that it’s going to really hurt to get back into my workouts again.

As for food, well, I’ve eaten my way through most of my BlogHer samples, so much of the temptation is gone now. I’ve already gone back to bringing Healthy Choice meals to work again, and as soon as a routine can be established for back-to-school time we’ll probably begin cooking at home again, too.

The new, healthier habits are still with me. They just need a little encouragement to beat down the sloth that tries to take over whenever it sees an opening.

Filed Under: motivation Tagged With: ,


Aug 17, 2011

The Mid-August Meltdown (of mine)

August 17, 2011 By

While I’m spending the week trying to balance having two young girls home with me and somehow sleeping during the day (thanks mom and Aaron for the help!), I’m also keenly aware that the school year begins again starting next week.

I’m always on the verge of a panic attack before the first day of school. Last year, it was due to my disappointment that Cordy wouldn’t be in a mainstream kindergarten class, wondering if she’d miss out and never get the chance to prove she could hold her own with typical peers. It wasn’t a plan I was happy with, but it turned out very well thanks to a teacher who immediately saw Cordy’s potential and a school that is apparently completely caught up in Cordy’s charm. She was gradually introduced to the mainstream class during the year until she was spending nearly half of her day with them.

This year, my sweet Cordelia gets her chance. She will begin homeroom each day by checking in with her special needs teacher, but will then spend (hopefully) all of her school day in a mainstream classroom. This school has never had a split first/second grade classroom (a mix of both grades in one class, with the teacher teaching to individual levels), but this year Cordy will be a part of this special class, and I can’t help but wonder if this class was designed with her in mind.

In our meetings last year, there was a lot of uncertainty about what to do with our smart but socially limited child. If she remained in the special needs class, she’d get individualized academic instruction, but would lack the challenge of learning to survive in a neurotypical world.

If she went to a mainstream first grade, we’d be faced with two options: let her follow the first grade curriculum – a curriculum that her teacher tells us she’s already mastered in kindergarten – or send her to a second grade class for the subjects she’s strongest in: math and reading. The first of those options would leave her bored and therefore prone to act out, and the second option would involve so many transitions from classroom to classroom during her day that we’d be setting her up for failure.

It was during all of these discussions that Aaron and I were strongly considering pulling her out of public school and exploring the idea of a Montessori school. Sure, we’d have to sell a kidney to pay for it, but at least then she’d have an option that had the best chance for success on both the academic and social/emotional fronts.

And then at the end of the year Cordy’s teacher offered up the solution of the split class. She’ll be able to work at a second grade level academically if she’s ready for it, but socially she will have first grade level expectations placed on her. The teacher for this class is well regarded and is already familiar with Cordy. (Her son was a typical peer in Cordy’s preschool class.)

Like I said, it’s as if they designed this class for my daughter.

I took Cordy to the school last week to visit with her special needs teacher, and she discussed this year’s plan with Cordy. I can already tell Cordy is nervous about the change; it’ll likely take a few weeks for her to adjust to this new routine. The teacher walked her to her new classroom, showing Cordy that the two classrooms are just a few doors away from each other and reminding her that she can come visit her special class if she needs a break.

Still…I’m nervous. I want this to work. My heart aches at the thought of Cordy struggling with the social norms of a typical class (what if the kids don’t like her, or worse, what if they tease her?), but I know it’s what she needs to do. Every day I want to wrap her up and hide her away from everything that frightens and upsets her, but I have to draw on my own strength to reassure her and then send her out to face her fears, repeating the process whether she succeeds or fails, over and over again.

Ever since we received the autism diagnosis, I’ve hoped that Cordy could have as normal of a childhood as possible, including an education in a mainstream classroom. She’ll always be eccentric – I wouldn’t expect anything less from my child – and it’s likely she’ll have trouble fitting in. Even if she can’t blend in with the crowd, I want her to better understand how that crowd works and how to work around it.

So I’ll likely be an anxious mess for the next few weeks as we see how well Cordy adapts to her new class. We’re lucky that she has a lot of people interested in seeing her succeed, including those directly involved with her education. It also helps that the kid has a track record for rising to the occasion when needed, and we’re hoping this experience is no different.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, growing up, love, school


Aug 12, 2011

Fashion: When Are You Too Old?

August 12, 2011 By

So after returning from BlogHer, where I spent five days with 3000+ women who were all looking fantastic in their own ways, I found out yesterday that an article I was interviewed for was published at CNN. The topic revolved around moms dressing like their teenagers, or in my case, older women who shop in the Juniors’ department of a store.

It’s a quick read – go check it out, I’ll wait.

I think the article does a great job of explaining why it’s OK to shop in the same place as a teenager as long as you’re dressing in a flattering way for your body type. Just because you’re in Hollister doesn’t mean you can’t find a simple, well-fitting t-shirt that doesn’t reveal too much. Of course, I’m writing that sentence as if I have any idea what kind of clothing Hollister carries.

There’s so much I can say on this topic beyond my quotes in the article. Do I think any teen fashion can be adopted by a 30- or 40-something mom? No way. But depending on your body type you can find cute clothing in a store focused on a younger population, or even the Juniors’ section at Kohl’s, that is still appropriate and tasteful for an older woman.

(Gah. I just lumped myself in as older. ‘Scuse me while I go take my fiber pill now…)

When I was younger and in that “appropriate” age range for these stores, I didn’t fit the clothing. I was heavier, I had self-esteem issues, and so I was far more comfortable hiding myself in baggy jeans and loose sweatshirts. I’m still a big fan of casual clothing, but having dropped some weight – both in pounds and in psychological baggage – I can appreciate clothing that’s a little more flattering to my shape. There’s no chance I’ll be sporting a mini skirt and crop top anytime soon, of course; I know my limits. I shop now for clothing that is comfortable and makes me happy when I wear it, no matter where it came from.
It’s always interesting to read the negative comments in the article, too: moms who wear teen clothing must be slutty. If you’re a mom, you shouldn’t care what you look like anymore. If you want to look nice, you’re just shallow and self-absorbed. *eyeroll*

Let’s play a little game: here are some of the outfits I wore at BlogHer this year. I’ll state up-front that I have no intentions of winning a fashion award anytime soon. Guess which one came from the Juniors’ department:

Thursday in the Expo hall

Thursday night: strapless dress & crochet cardigan

Friday night: lavender lace dress (sorry, can’t find a photo in color)

Saturday morning: brown ruffled, layered top and jeans

Saturday – another view of the same outfit, with Elmo totally checking me out

OK, so what’s your guess? Which one was designed for a teenager and not a 35 year old mom?

…

insert Jeopardy music here …

…

SURPRISE! It’s the brown layered-look shirt. Yep, this beauty of full-coverage-yet-fashionable ruffles and layers comes from the Juniors’ section of Kohl’s. The other outfits? Lee jeans, H&M top, JC Penney dress from the women’s section, and Ruche lace dress.

I found similar tops to the Kohl’s layered top in the women’s section, too, but they didn’t fit me as well. They were too boxy and made me look completely shapeless. The teen version is better fitted through the midsection and I received several compliments while wearing it. The jeans aren’t from the teen section, of course – no teen jeans would ever fit my hips.

My final thoughts: I’m no fashion plate. I can count dozens more who are more fashionable than me. But I do like to dress in a way that makes me feel pretty. Clothing is both a shallow topic and a subject that we wrap up in our self-worth. It can be a form of expression and a signal of our inner feelings. It can be a tool to empower us or a weapon to tear us down. While I don’t think women should invest so much of our self-worth into a piece of fabric, I do consider it reasonable that we can enjoy what we wear.

My belief is that we’re all smart women – we know what is appropriate for us. Wear what makes you look and feel your best no matter where it came from, whether it be Forever 21 or Forever 65. Because if you feel good about yourself, it’ll be reflected in everything you do, including the all-important task of building self-esteem in your children. It doesn’t matter if you’re raising your kids in a sweatshirt or a pair of pink heels as long as you’re confident in yourself.

What do you think? Are there certain stores that we shouldn’t shop in? Should women who reach a certain age be shunned from the Juniors’ section completely? Is it possible to follow fashion and not be accused of dressing like a teen or being a bad mom (unless you’re Jennifer Lopez)?

Filed Under: being a mom, BlogHer11, me me me, more than parents, pop culture, shameless bragging


Aug 12, 2011

BlogHer Recap: The Good, The Bad and The Bob

August 12, 2011 By

So I’m back from BlogHer. It was a crazy whirlwind of five days, and during that time I can admit to a lot of eating and drinking. I never eat a lot at individual meals at BlogHer, but I do snack and drink my way through the entire conference. I mean, who can resist this:

Yum. Hershey’s s’mores. I could have spent all day in there.

As for drinking, I scaled it way back this year. I mean, I did have several alcoholic drinks, but at the end of the weekend I’d only used three of my drink tickets, and one of those was for a Diet Coke. San Diego is very fond of the margarita, but tequila is not my alcohol of choice. It wasn’t until the CheeseburgHer party that I found someone who could make a good vodka mixed drink.

Yet for all of my “sinful” eating, when I stepped on the scale the morning after arriving home, I was greeted with the same number that I left with: 167.

While I missed out on the workouts at BlogHer, I did get more than enough walking in. The blister band aids on my feet will attest to that. And I tore up the dance floor at the CheeseburgHer party – that had to be enough exercise to counter the McDonald’s cheeseburger and small fries that I inhaled.

But the best moment of the weekend for my little fitness heart came from having breakfast with Bob Harper. (If you’re drawing a blank, he’s one of the trainers from The Biggest Loser.) He had a workout earlier in the morning that filled up before I could claim a spot, but I did get registered for the breakfast Q&A session.

Kari, Laura and I got there early and quickly scoped out the best seats. We claimed the center front table, making sure we had prime position to see Bob and hopefully get noticed when it came time for questions. After a quick intro speech from Bob, he sat down in a chair less than five feet away and was ready to answer some of our questions.

Laura went first and asked about how to time your eating when you have a third shift schedule. (It’s like she read my mind!) He discussed making sure you eat regularly with a solid mix of carbs, protein and fat.

As soon as he started to wrap up his answer, my hand shot up again. Normally I’m shy about asking questions in a session, but when I’ve got an expert like Bob in front of me, I’m not going to miss my chance!

Kari was far smarter than me and recorded the entire thing (you may need to crank your volume way up to hear it):

OK, so he berated me for my choice of words. For the record, YES, I’m happy that I’ve lost 80 pounds. When I think about how much I used to weigh, and how heavy and weak I felt all the time, I’m thrilled that I will never have to endure that again.

However, my goal weight is so close I can nearly touch it. No longer a vague number way out on the edge of the horizon, it now has shape and substance to it. I can imagine what I’ll look like at my goal weight, and I like the idea. So yeah, I’m happy with 80 pounds lost. But I’ll be even happier when I reach my goal weight.

Sadly, I didn’t take many full-length photos of myself during my time at BlogHer, and I don’t remember finding myself in front of many camera lenses, either. I did receive lots of compliments on how good I looked and – being completely honest and vain at the moment – I ate those comments up like fine chocolates. It felt good to receive that outside validation of my hard work.

Fine lookin’ group here (photo courtesy of Melisa)

I think Elmo is checking me out…

I’m 80 pounds away from the time I stepped on the scale after graduating college and saw myself at nearly 250 pounds. I like the course I’m on, even if I’m not getting there as quickly as I’d like.

I remarked to a friend that I’ve been one dress size smaller at each BlogHer since my first in 2006. She joked that the trend can’t continue or I’ll disappear. True, but I’m hoping that next year will be my triumph, when I declare my weight loss complete at BlogHer 12.

And then will begin what Bob told us was the hardest part of the journey: maintaining the loss.

Filed Under: motivation, photographic evidence, success Tagged With: