Family Archives - Page 19 of 113

Nov 22, 2012

Thankful for Seven Years

November 22, 2012 By Christina

It was seven years ago on this day that I created a blog on Blogger and typed out my first post as A Mommy Story. It was definitely nothing for the memory books, just a “hey, I’m here!” post, my first time with a fully public blog after spending a few years with a LiveJournal account that was semi-private.

I’m still here. Things have changed dramatically from where they were seven years ago, but I still keep coming back here and writing my thoughts when I get the chance.

Seven years ago I was a first time mom with a 14 month old who was my world. I was still caught up in the honeymoon of parenting, still swooning over all the firsts and panicked over every little detail that could affect her health, safety and happiness.

Blogs at the time were my source of commiseration and education – I found others who shared similar parenting philosophies, those who were in the same stage that I was, and those who were beyond my stage but were models to aspire to. After commenting on many blogs, I decided it was time to start my own, to share my stories in my space going forward that might help or inspire others. Or maybe just make them laugh every now and then, sometimes not intentionally.

Now, of course, I’m a more…ummm…seasoned mother. The story has changed through the years, and my available time has diminished, but I’m still here. I couldn’t imaging stepping away and cutting myself off from the friends and community I’ve found through this blog.

So today, on my seven year blogiversary (it’s totally a real word), and also being Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for all of the people who have shared this space with me. Thank you for reading, for sharing your thoughts in return, for the occasional emails, and for sticking with me even when the story goes through a slow period. Thank you for being so friendly and kind when we’ve had the chance to meet in person, for helping me when I’ve reached out to some of you for help or advice, and for looking past my flaws and my serious lack of attention.

I’m also so thankful for all of the opportunities this blog has given me. Without my little corner of the internet, I never would have been on local TV a few times, never would have worked for Disney for a little over a year, never would have traveled to so many cities for conferences, never would have walked in a fashion show, never would have fallen into the amazing job I have now, and I would have been completely lost when Cordy was diagnosed with autism.

Most importantly, this blog has helped introduce me to so many amazing people, both via our blogs and in person, some of whom I’m honored to call friends.

So happy Thanksgiving everyone, and thank you for being a part of my life via this little blog. Today I’m thankful for these seven years and for all of you.

Except spammers. I’m not so thankful for you. Although the latest spam comment of “Hello, all is going nicely here and of course every one is sharing information, that’s in fact excellent, keep up writing.” kinda makes me feel all warm inside, in a bad-grammar-compliment kind of way.

Here’s to another seven years. That is, in fact, excellent.

Filed Under: holidays, me me me, memories Tagged With: about blogging

Nov 15, 2012

Wedding Ring Panic Attack

November 15, 2012 By Christina

Last night was a fairly normal night of putting the kids to bed and then coming back downstairs to get a little more work done and watch TV.

About half an hour into our child-free time, I suddenly realized something was missing. My left thumb reached across my palm to brush my ring finger, like I do absentmindedly several times a day to adjust my wedding ring, only to realize there was no ring to play with.

Looking down at my hand, I could see it was bare. Where did my ring go?

I’ve been complaining for months that I needed my wedding ring resized. I had to make it larger several years ago to continue wearing it through extra weight and pregnancies. But since losing weight my ring has lost that snug fit, going from tight to comfortable to seeing light between finger and ring.

The ring has far more personal meaning to it than monetary value. We were young and just starting out when we were married, so the rings we selected were nice, but inexpensive. I thought I might upgrade it someday to something a little more fancy, but this wasn’t the way I wanted to go about doing so.

At first I figured it must have slipped off as I sat on the couch. So I casually started reaching down into the couch cushions to feel for the smooth metal band. Nothing. I then told Aaron that I had lost it as I stood up and began checking my pockets and the floor around me.

We tore apart the couch looking for it as I tried to mentally retrace my steps. I knew it was on earlier in the day, and the backyard was as far as I had gone that day, so at least it had to be somewhere in the house or yard.

I searched the dining room table and kitchen counters before continuing to progress backwards through my evening. I had tucked Mira in and reached under her to give her a hug – maybe it slipped off then? I was like a jewel thief in her room, carefully reaching under her pillow and blankets, trying to not wake the recently asleep child. No good.

And then I heard Aaron say “Found it!” He was in Cordy’s room, where earlier I was straightening out her comforter before bed. The ring had somehow come off as I was smoothing out her sheets.

Whew.

That was a wake up call to get the ring resized, though. So today we went to a jewelers and handed over my wedding ring – a ring I never take off – to be made smaller. It was a size 7. It will now be a size 5.5. Even my pinky wasn’t that small when I was younger – how is it I’m losing more weight from my fingers than anywhere else?

I’m hoping to have my ring back just before Thanksgiving. But I admit I feel naked without it.

naked hand

It’s the one piece of jewelry I always have on, and the one with the most significance. I keep having moments of panic, wondering where it went, before I remember that it’s with the jeweler. At least when it returns it’ll be much smaller, with less risk of it going astray.

Do other people feel naked without their wedding rings (or other important piece of jewelry or accessory), or am I the oddball? Have you ever lost something of significant personal value by accident?

Filed Under: daily life, me me me, memories

Nov 12, 2012

Making A Home Out Of Our House

November 12, 2012 By Christina

We’ve lived in this house for over eight years now. It’s our first house, and the only home our two daughters have ever known.

So why, after eight years, do we have only ONE room painted, and still have nothing hung on walls? Remove the furniture and it’s builder’s standard white through most of the house.

I have no actual answer for that question. We were in such a rush to move in once the house was ready that we didn’t take the time to paint before we moved everything in. So the only room that was painted was Cordy’s room, since I was pregnant at the time and it was the one room that had no furniture at first. I also didn’t want to hang anything on the walls until they were painted.

We also never planned to stay here this long. During the big housing boom, it was common to buy a house and sell it for a profit within four to five years. We bought a house that fit our modest budget, expecting our salaries to go up, and to make a profit on the house, so we could trade up to a better neighborhood.

Ha. Sometimes fate likes to kick you down a notch. Four years after we signed the mortgage agreement, instead of looking for our next home, we were struggling to make payments for this home and keep our family together.

And now four years later, we’re still here. We didn’t lose the house (thank goodness!) but at the moment we also have no ability to sell it without taking a loss. Most homes in our neighborhood are selling for far less than their original prices. To make it worse, there’s this immediately behind us:

Still getting uglier every day!

I think we still haven’t made any changes over bitterness at not being able to leave. The house has become a prison, reminding us every day that we’re stuck here and not going anywhere anytime soon. We were lucky enough to not lose it through the recession, but now we find it also won’t let us go.

I’ve gone through the stages of grief over being stuck in this house, and I may have finally reached acceptance, or at least a temporary acceptance. I still have no intention of staying here beyond another few years, but I’ve also hit the point where I’m ready to live here, not just subsist here.

All of our walls are still white (except for Cordy’s room). Nothing has been hung on the walls. The house still looks like we’re apartment dwellers afraid to do anything to the standard built-ins for fear of losing our security deposit. But this is our home. It’s time to start treating it as such. There’s no need to keep it neutral in decor unless that’s what we want.

We’re refinancing the house using a new refinance option to cut down our monthly mortgage, freeing up a little more money each month. We’re no longer in that dire situation from four years ago, so we can spend a little money on simple updates to the house.

And now I have home remodel fever.

I want to paint, to hang cabinets, to install a backsplash in the kitchen, to put in new faucets…the list goes on and on. Pinterest DIY boards are now my unhealthy obsession.

There’s only one teensy-tiny problem: I have no talent or skill in home remodeling.

I also can’t seem to find anywhere to learn these skills. Some of the home superstores offer workshops on limited projects, but I need the absolute basics.

I guess I have a little time before I need to figure out how to use power tools. Because before we can begin many of these projects, we also have to clear out a LOT of clutter. About eight years worth of apathy clutter in this house. Starting with the garage.

That’s the real, unedited, garage mess. And that’s also after several hours of clearing out a large part of it and sending six boxes to Goodwill.

I’m writing all of this out here to hold myself accountable to begin these changes in our house. It’s time to make this place a home.

Filed Under: daily life, domestic zero, me me me, money

Nov 5, 2012

Halloween Recap (Late, As Usual)

November 5, 2012 By Christina

Despite the cold and rain last week, the kids still insisted on going trick-or-treating on Halloween night. I’ve been getting over bronchitis, meaning walking outside in frigid, wet air probably wasn’t the best idea for me, so Aaron took the kids while I handed out candy with the dog.

Here’s what they looked like before they had to put on winter coats in order to go outside:

American Dream (took over for Captain America) and Snow White, escorted by Batman.

We had about half as many kids come to the door as we usually do. No wonder, considering the weather, but it meant long periods of waiting for the next group of kids. Cosmo stood watch patiently.

Captain Ameripup won’t ignore his duty.

My three returned after only an hour, ready to call it a night. The candy haul was still impressive, though. Both kids had full pumpkins, which we immediately dumped on the floor and began sorting. In our house, we have two different sorts – first is the standard “look for anything slightly open or that could have been tampered with” sort that I think most people do.

But then we have to sort Cordy’s candy for anything containing artificial colors, since she’s unable to eat them.

This is the “can’t eat” pile. Ugh.

I know it upsets her to take away over half of her candy. In previous years, this was much harder and involved some fairly hefty bribes to make her happy. As she’s grown, she’s started to understand just how bad she feels when she eats artificial dyes, and so she’s more willing to part with the loot. It also helps that a company called Unreal (no affiliation with them, I just like their candy) makes their own version of popular candies without the artificial dyes and junk. I bought a few large bags of their version of M&Ms right before Halloween so we’d be ready.

This year the offer of a new deck of Pokemon cards and the large bags of Unreal candy were accepted in trade for the candy she couldn’t keep. She still had about a third of her treats from going door-to-door, too.

Now it’s all over. The Halloween decorations have been put away (the pumpkins remain for now), the costumes have been moved to the dress-up toy bin, and we’re back to normal. (Well, aside from Ohio being the center of all things political at the moment.) It’s no wonder why November is so depressing for me – it’s that month between bright, happy, sparkly months.

And no, we won’t put up holiday decorations yet, even though they were being sold in stores before (!!!) Halloween. I’ll keep my less-fun November and let Thanksgiving have its day before I will put up any decorations. I’ll probably listen to Guns ‘N Roses “November Rain” a lot, too.

Filed Under: Cordy, family time, holidays, Mira

Oct 31, 2012

Shaking Up The IEP With A Frankenschedule

October 31, 2012 By Christina

Two weeks ago we had our annual IEP meeting for Cordelia with her teachers and support staff. After the problems we’ve been having with her at school recently, this meeting couldn’t have come soon enough. We were already talking with her special needs teacher before the meeting and all in agreement that something had to change to get Cordy back on track.

At the start of the meeting we went over Cordy’s testing results. She’s reading at a beginning fourth grade level now. (She’s in second grade.) It’s possible she’s reading at a higher level than that, but she got annoyed with the testing and wouldn’t go any further. Her math scores are equally impressive, scoring off the charts on many of her timed math tests.

Her greatest challenges are linked to her anxiety. She tries to avoid anything new, she’s very sensitive to noise in the classroom, and she’s prone to overreaction when her behavior is corrected. This leads to many of the problem behaviors she’s been having recently, landing her in more and more trouble. She’s unable to self-soothe when she gets anxious and instead self-destructs. She also is bothered more by sensory stimuli when she’s bored and not focused on the task at hand.

We set up new goals for her to accomplish during the next year and then we discussed how to make school a better environment for her. We agreed that her current classroom was not working for her – it’s too loud and Cordy is bored with the level of work. It’s not the teacher’s fault, as she’s doing her best to deal with a class of kids who are just particularly rowdy. But there was also a disconnect between Cordy and the teacher, and it seemed like the best response was to switch classrooms to send her to the other second grade class.

So far, it’s going well. She likes the other teacher and says he has a “quiet, calm voice” that makes her feel less anxious. We haven’t had any calls home since the switch, and the end of the day reports are generally positive. She did get upset one day because she was caught reading in class (when she should have been focused on the teacher), but we used the Flummox & Friends video to remind her when she needs to be “in the group” and when it’s ok to not be in the group.

(Side note to parents of kids with autism, ADHD, or even neuro-typical kids: go watch Flummox & Friends. They only have a pilot so far, but they need to get this show produced. The episode has already given us new ways to cue Cordy on social behavior. No, I’m not an affiliate or anything – I actually gave them money through Kickstarter to help produce their pilot and I think they have a great idea.)

Back to our story –

We also met with the principal to discuss higher level reading and math for Cordy. After talking it through, we all agreed that skipping Cordy ahead an entire grade level might not be the best idea, as she’s already behind socially, but we clearly have to address her academic needs, too. I give the principal credit, she’s doing a lot of string-pulling to get the best possible education for our daughter.

This week we started our new Frankenschedule for Cordy, just in time for Halloween. They’ve cobbled together a work-in-progress new schedule for her that involves remaining in her new second grade classroom for most of the day, but attending third grade reading and spelling each day, and getting supplemental math homework supplied by the third grade math teacher while still attending second grade math.

Of course, reading times between grades don’t line up, so she’s missing reading one day to make sure she attends her required gym class each week, and going to music each week with the other second grade teacher’s class so she won’t miss music. She’ll have an “independent study” time on Mondays, too.

It sounds messy, and at the moment it is. Cordelia has had some anxiety over the changes, but I’m told she’s handling it fairly well. She told me she’s nervous about being with third graders, but lucky for us she was in a split level class last year (first and second graders taught together) so she knows a few of the kids in her third grade reading class. An aide is also going with her for now to provide reassurance and stabilize her emotionally.

It’s also still just a test as we see if this Frankenschedule will work out – five different teachers and the principal are working together to coordinate their efforts for my kid. If Cordy continues to excel at math, she may be moved up to third grade math, too, meaning another re-write of the schedule.

Aaron and I are also just as involved with this change. The new schedule requires a lot more effort from us at home, too. Her third grade spelling class has required assignments every night, all requiring parent participation, so we’re required to be more involved with her homework. And the supplemental math homework coming home is a form of self-study to keep her challenged and assess her abilities for a higher level of math, which means we’re the ones teaching it to her at the moment. (Thank goodness I was a math scholar in high school!)

The principal also agreed with the special needs teacher that Cordy should be re-tested in math as soon as possible. She missed the “gifted” in math assessment by a single point on the standardized test last year and they’d like to see that corrected. They’ll also be bringing in an evaluator to assess her for “superior cognitive ability” with an IQ test. They strongly suspect she’ll test in the gifted range, which will then make her almost guaranteed to have a spot in the fourth/fifth grade gifted & talented class when the time comes. That class is very non-traditional and everyone I’ve spoken with about it believes Cordy would thrive in that setting.

I can’t tell you how relieved I am that the school was willing to take action after the problems Cordy was experiencing a few weeks ago. She’s still anxious over all of the changes (she hates change) but she’s already showing signs of being more relaxed and there haven’t been any new incidents. We’ve agreed that she’ll no longer be sent to PEAK and lose recess for any outbursts, but will instead be sent to the special needs classroom for appropriate redirection and consequence if needed.

I’m crossing my fingers that the new schedule will work for Cordy and she’ll rise to the challenge. She’s getting a semi-custom education now, and it’ll be a tough adjustment for all of us but I think it’s worth it. We’re making active progress at controlling her anxiety so she won’t get in the way of herself. I have high hopes this kid will do great things.

There aren’t a lot of public role models for girls with autism out there. I look at Temple Grandin, and I’ve read her mother’s book about raising her and fighting to make sure she succeeded, and I can only hope that Cordy will be just as successful because of her autism and not in spite of it. She has unique gifts that will hopefully guide her purpose in life, and we’re here to nurture them and help clear any roadblocks for her.